Romances with Wolves One guy gives you his very honest dating advice. See what he discovered about sex and dating By Anonymous There's a saying that goes, "The best plan is to profit by the folly of others. I want to share with you a few things I've learned -- the hard way -- concerning girls and relationships. Specifically, I've jotted down ten reasons why I'm now waiting until marriage to have sex. I now know that sex isn't all it's cracked up to be. When I was in college, I remember having an experience that I referred to as a "love hangover.
That's something you won't see on TV or in the movies, but it happens a lot. There was emptiness, even regret, afterwards. The "love hangover" was a strange occurrence for me. Mainly because when I was in college, sex was my "god. So you would imagine that having sex would have been completely fulfilling -- the crowning achievement in the worship of my "god. Has that been your experience, too? Have you ever had a "love hangover"? If you have, you should stop and consider, "Why is that?
Why is it that sex, if it's so important to me, leaves me with an empty feeling? For example, we get the car we've always wanted, but then it's just "okay" after awhile. Instead of realizing that a car can't really satisfy us, we usually make the error of thinking, "Well, I guess that wasn't the right car. A different one will give me lasting fulfillment.
So, finally, I came to the conclusion that premarital sex wasn't all it's cracked up to be. It gets too much hype. It's not what the movies make it out to be. If it were, it would be completely fulfilling. There wouldn't be any "emptiness.
I now want to be more honorable toward women. I've found that girls often don't fully understand what's going on when it comes to sex. That is, their perspective on the whole thing is very different from a guy's. Often a girl will justify sex by saying, "But I love him," even if she doesn't really want to go through with it. Why does that happen?
It's been said that, "Girls use sex to get love; guys use love to get sex. And while something inside her is telling her it's the right thing to do, something inside the guy is telling him just the opposite, yet he proceeds. For the physical pleasure no doubt, but also, I think, for another reason: But there is a great irony in that, for what is manly about deceiving a woman? Something I've discovered is that, when you honor a woman, you are honoring yourself.
Because someday you will have regret, and the regret will last much longer than the pleasure. In the movie Rob Roy, the main character says, "Honor is a gift a man gives himself. That's somebody else's wife. Here's what I mean: When I put myself in the shoes of those men, I wish that I hadn't done what I've done. In fact, I might even like to punch myself in the nose for it. And so it goes without saying that when I get married, I'm not going to like the idea that someone else has had his way with my wife.
Do you like the idea of someone else being with your wife? If you have a girlfriend now and feel that way, think of how much stronger that feeling will be with your wife someday. You can even take it a step further. That girl is someone's daughter. What if she were my daughter? Or what if she were my sister? Would I want some guy like me taking advantage of her?
I now see girls from a different perspective. They're someone else's future wife, someone else's daughter, sister, etc. Sex has killed my best relationships. For example, I had a college sweetheart, the girl of my dreams.
With her, there was never a dull moment. Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. And so, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart.
That's what I mean by "sex killed my best relationships. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we I had waited. I've seen this happen with countless relationships, not just others of my own, but those of many other people.
And I think there's a reason for this, which I'll explain next. Sex before marriage ruins the other parts of the relationship. For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl.
As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time. The two things were this: I don't know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it's just built into "the system. I've seen it happen over and over again. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex.
They go into the marriage with lack of respect and lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage. I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of this -- he doesn't respect her, she knows it, and she doesn't trust him, so she doesn't want to give herself to him. It's very sad, and more common than you might think. But nobody talks about this kind of thing in public.
And the movie and TV portrayals of couples having sex before marriage never present it either. It's like no one wants to acknowledge that it's happening, even though it is.
Waiting to have sex with my wife will mean better sex in my marriage. Because we'll go into the marriage with me having more respect for her and her having more trust in me. One thing I've learned: Deep down, she doesn't really enjoy being with him. This is how it works. Since "girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex," a couple will have sex before marriage. The girl does this to hold on to the relationship.
The guy does it because he wants it even more than the relationship itself. Then, after the marriage, the woman has what she wants: So she doesn't need to use sex to get him anymore. And, because she may be harboring resentment because he had sex with her before they were married, she is now not interested in sex. And the guy -- who doesn't treasure his wife because of the sex before marriage -- still wants sex but not as a total bonding experience with his wife. It's just sex, which she figures out.
So, there is a lousy sex life in the marriage. I'm not making this stuff up. Now that I'm out of college and many people around me are getting married, I'm seeing it happen all the time. And consequently they'll have better and more frequent sex because they respect each other more and love each other more deeply.
Not having sex with other women will mean better sex in my marriage. Sex is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between people, even if we call it "casual. It's like a piece of scotch tape -- the more you use it on different surfaces, the less it sticks to things. After awhile, it won't stick to anything.
If I bond with other girls before I get married, I won't be able to bond as well with my wife someday. I won't cherish her as much as I could have, and consequently I won't love her as much as I could have.