In graduate school, he first began to visit prostitutes, spend money on phone sex, masturbate compulsively and spend as much as five to 10 hours a day looking at Internet porn. When sexually acting out, he would feel that someone had turned on his brain for the first time. On the net, he would suddenly feel alive.
He had energy and felt the euphoria that sexual immersion seductively provides. Since his teens, he had masturbated nearly every night before going to sleep and sometimes once or twice during the day as well. College had been difficult for him. Complex mathematical formulations from his economics courses were tape-recorded while he fantasized about looking under the shirt of the girl who sat next to him.
He was chronically late to classes, his dorm was messy and his clothes were disheveled. He seemed to live in another world. At home, he felt empty, depressed and lonely. He was unable to focus on a book or a movie. He often felt different than others. It was as though others were given a chip at birth that allowed them to remember simple things, to process information accurately, to complete tasks in an orderly fashion, to moderate their impulses and calm their bodies and mind when they wanted to.
However, he soon found himself in poor job performance because of his obsession. He married and got a promotion at work. Time passed as he worked his step program and settled in to marriage. However, the impulse to call an escort or make an erotic phone call never went away. One day, after two years of abstinence, he ran across an escort in a hotel who offered him her services and he could not think of a reason to refrain.
He had realized that his fantasies had taken on a distinct sadomasochist flavor and he had been curious about acting them out with this woman. He had been involved in a deal at work that went wrong and he felt inferior and somewhat ashamed.
Memories of shaming and humiliating remarks about his conduct and learning skills from teachers and parents came flooding back, precipitating his masochistic sexual fantasies. His sense of self was completely destabilized.
So he did what had always worked before when he felt psychologically fragmented: He went to an escort to shore up his fragile self-esteem.
Once again he would miraculously feel like he could live with himself. The non-stop putdowns that had taken up permanent residence in his head were quieted, at least for a short period of time.
Sex took the edge off like a few martinis do for an alcoholic. The quick fix, however, was followed by a crash which made him feel worse than he did before he went to the escort. Knowing he had once again lost control, he felt extremely remorseful and depressed, bordering on self-loathing. After the crash, he no longer felt alert, focused, or euphoric. While Brian had been able to walk away from cocaine three years ago, the sex addiction had remained entrenched in his psyche.
Instead, he rediscovered the Internet. Porn surfing became his medium of acting out because the images were flashy, intense, and risky and he could easily go to another webpage when the novelty wore off and he got bored. He seemed to be able to avoid compulsive sex for awhile and to make some positive changes in his life. But when faced with the opportunity, he easily returned to sex addiction. Brian was not able to get a handle on his sex addiction because he had not been diagnosed and treated for Adult Attention-Deficit Disorder.
A particular constellation of imbalanced neurotransmitters were creating physical and emotional problems for him, including an inability to regulate attention, sleeping, and mood and energy levels, and to control impulses. His need to self-medicate his impulsivity, restlessness and mental hyperactivity resulted in using sexually compulsive behaviors. They struggled in school because they got bored or had a hard time paying attention.
Once bored, they would stare out the window, often caught up by sexual fantasies. As adults, relationships are difficult for them. Impulses carry them from project to project, relationship to relationship, job to job. Most feel the self-loathing of people who are working under capacity, and experience the pain and grief of living a life of lost opportunities and diminished personal potential.
Retrieved on June 20, , from https: