Here to share some of their favorite V-Day and general dating horror stories—plus a few tips, for those who may need love life assistance—are 14 of our favorite queens. It was easy to be anonymous. He wrote me later and apologized and asked if we could meet up again.
There was never a love connection, but at least I got a fun story out of it. Alaska Thunderfuck Get used to hair. I mean wig hair. Follow Alaska on Twitter and Instagram. However, one comes to mind that is short and sweet and left me feeling like a bag of dirty used-up eyelashes.
It was a very sex-positive party. I was wearing a little mini white dress and a honey-blonde wig. I spotted a cute little bear cub couple who I had never seen before in the corner getting rather touchy with each other, and I decided to approach the little escapade. A few people at the party turned to look and gave a giggle. I proceeded straight to the front door and called a cab. Skip the typical box of chocolates and make her a Strawberry Shortcake.
A Strawberry Shortcake is where you cum on her face and then punch her in the nose till it bleeds. Follow Sarah Problem on Instagram 5. Lay it out on the table. What kind of sex do you like? What are your relationship goals? Comparing yourself or your partner to other men, questioning if you want to or should sleep with other men and navigating how you both feel about all that can be tricky.
Your partner should never have to question if the next guy has something you may want more than what he has. Also, while all of these different arrangements can work, we seriously suggest being monogamous for a long time before you even consider opening up your relationship.
You have to build a solid steel bond of trust and love between each other. On that same note, some gay men are uncomfortable with even mentioning open relationships, but classic monogamous hetero normal relationships are not universally fulfilling for all gay men, whether you like it or not. Another important key to a successful relationship is not giving up.
We live in a society of attention deficit disorder, instant satisfaction and divorce. When the going gets tough, people tend to get going. This is no way to treat another human being. When you are committed to someone and you truly love them, you need to stand by them no matter what.
Money, communication, family, lifestyle choices—there are many challenges for new relationships, but you have to show your partner that you are there for them through it all. If they are ever standing there poor, beat up, out of shape and completely abandoned, when they turn around you need to be standing there ready to pick them up and love them.
We have faced real life struggles together, and you will, too. Regardless of the challenges that life throws at you, if you can get through them together and walk down the path holding hands and supporting one another, your relationship will blossom. You never stop learning, and you never stop cultivating a deeper relationship with one another as life goes on. There is nothing better than to always have a best friend, teammate and someone who will love you, is there to support you and someone you can have fun with in life.
And you can watch their web series Dragula: They just happened to be of the fucked-up kind. My first San Francisco boyfriend and I had a romantic date night that ended in a drunken fist-fight outside a karaoke bar. He followed me home to the Lower Haight, climbed my fire escape, broke my window, climbed into my apartment and we fought all night until we finally gave up, fucked and fell asleep.
Feeling his oats, he started spinning on the dance floor. He lost his footing and fell head-first into the corner of a glass table. Naturally, it cut his forehead open. He was bleeding everywhere.
Well, I just happened to have a maxi pad in my purse because ya never know when things are gonna get real. So I slapped that maxi pad on his forehead to control the bleeding and drove him to Cedars Sinai.
After a nice shower, put some toothpaste around your anus for a tingly sensation that is sure to leave your lover with a minty fresh taste in his mouth during in flagrante delicto. Follow Monistat on Instagram and Twitter: Someone had fully robbed us of the chicken and nothing else. So I guess that was my worst breakup—wait, what was I supposed to be talking about? Amanda Poupon One of the best parts about being a queen is spending time with the gay community of NYC on a regular basis.
But what happens when the person enamored by your wit and sass is also a regulation hottie that makes your tuck unfurl? Kill your numbers, collect your coin and then get the fuck out of drag! And get practiced on a sensible boy beat. Taking off the makeup can leave you looking a little raw … and not in the good way. After seeing his car pull up, I stepped out to the landing of my second-floor apartment to witness something truly horrifying: There he was, standing at the bottom of the stairs holding the least romantic thing you could possibly give someone.
The question was rhetorical, of course. I swear to God if you bring those awful things up here they are going straight into the trash! Now, this story may sound harsh. It may depict me as a heartless, tactless, narcissistic cunt. And while all those things are true, it was a necessary lead-in for my first tip: In my mind that means thoughtless, and thoughtless is never romantic. My other tip is a little more succinct: Olive oil is not lube. Follow Orchid on Instagram: Daphne Sumtimez I met some college boy off of Grindr, and it came up that I was a drag queen.
Instantly, that was all he seemed to care about. We never spoke again, but he still likes my posts on Instagram.