Clean-cut and natty, but dirty AF in the bedroom. Totally different from Brian. A gritty, unapologetic bad boy, but just likes to lie there during sex. Always goes home with the first boy at the bar who hits on him. His real name is Al, but he wants everyone to call him Chase. Lisped before exiting the womb. Always looking to marry his mother in a man. Knows where the best online porn is. Pseudo-intellectual; always has to be right i. Always pings you the second you log on to Scruff. Picky eater, but drinks like a fish.
Goes MIA the day after a big party or a crazy night out. Quiet and reserved so, naturally, is carnival freak crazy kinky in the sack. Shames you for not knowing enough about gay pop culture. Shames you for not knowing enough about gay culture of yore. A veritable RAT rapidly aging twink. Still not out to his family, never will be. Made a big statement by going from Mike to Michael when he came out. Incidentally, so did every other Mike. Only hosts, never travels. Constantly announces his short-lived Facebook breaks.
Bye, Paul, see you next week. Everything is sexual innuendo with Dillon. His parents threw a party when he came out. Shares with them the most graphic of details from his dating life. We get it, you have an enormous…vocabulary. Knows every DJ who ever spun at Burning Man. Your go-to brunch friend. His Grindr profile pic is of argyle socks. Slightly annoying but his perpetual VPL never fails to tantalize.
Has a thick southern accent even though he went to Bowdoin and Harvard Law School. Always looking for an extra ticket to the Pier Dance. Your drug dealer friend. Masc for masc only. On every single gay sports team. Always rocking a bandage or cast as a result. First to play Pokemon Go. His lesbian friends are for more interesting and funnier than he is.
Lives up to the love for his name. Always dates another Jeffrey but spelled differently. Big-time camper and griller. Born and raised in Staten Island. Never get on his bad side. You can take the gay boy out of the fraternity… They were alluring at first, but you learned your lesson the hard way.
A nice Jewish doctor looking to marry a nice Jewish lawyer. Totally gay but somehow lacks the gay gene. Seems like the whole package. Makes you doubt yourself for being so cynical and distrusting.
Your richest and laziest friend. Thank god for family money. Not interested if you practice safe sex. Tell us more about white gay male privilege. You will be okay.