By Rachel Thompson But, whether you live with your mum, or you've moved out, there's always the worry that someone will stumble upon your sex toy stash. How to explain sexting and dick pics to your British mum And, for many of us awkward Brits, the very idea of our mothers finding our goody drawer is enough to put us off masturbation for life.
As some of us know, moving out of your parents' house does not make you immune to the "stealth" tidy; the lovely, but mildly annoying moment a parent decides to tidy up for you, even when you're a grown-ass adult.
Unfortunately, mums have a knack for discovering things we don't want them to know or see. And, sex toys are just one of the myriad things we'd rather our parents didn't know about us. Here's how to explain your sex toy — or indeed toys — to your mum There's no going back OK, so your mum has found your sex toy. Every nightmare you've ever had is happening right now in reality.
Whether it's a vibrator, butt plug, dildo, or sex doll; most people would prefer to keep the contents of their goody drawer to themselves, and perhaps their sexual partners. OK, keep calm Panic has set in and you are rueing the day you ever bought the damn thing. Will my mum ever see me in the same way again?
Is she as horrified as I am? Take a deeeeeeep breath. Everything is going to be just fine. Because you're a grown-up. Grown-ups have sex, OK? And, they masturbate, too. And, you never know, she might even have a secret sex toy stash of her own.
Don't yell Your first instinct might be to get annoyed, and to yell "get out" or "mind your own beeswax. Accidents happen, and your mum certainly didn't set out to find your goody drawer, even if she did decide that your bedside table needed a thorough tidy up. Take a few minutes to gather yourself, and resist any temptation to raise your voice and storm off. It was her own fault for just bursting into my bedroom unannounced.
She didn't live with me at the time, she was visiting my house," says Sutra. Being cool as a cucumber about it will help your mum feel less embarrassed about stumbling upon an intensely private object. Because, remember, this is by no means a joyful experience for her. Sutra also advises laughing it off, with a simple statement like: Sex toys are a healthy expression of your sexuality, and they're also tonnes of fun. Plus, your bedside table isn't the only one housing a sex toy.
So, put on a brave face, take a deep breath and say: If you don't mind explaining how it works, gauge her reaction first to see how curious and comfortable she is. Deny all knowledge Honesty is empowering, and it can feel really good to talk about sex and masturbation with your mum. But, sometimes it's not all that easy. If you really must lie, here's how to style it out And, when it comes to situations like this, the size of your sex toy is everything.
Sex and relationships blogger Oloni says that if the sex toy in question is a vibrator, you could easily tell a little white lie. My advice would be go with a lie that works," she continues.
If it's a bullet vibrator, or a something akin to a back massager, you could quite easily get away with it. If you don't feel like telling your mum about your sex toy, this option could be for you.
Channel this dude, and you're all set: Lean into the awkwardness There's no way out. You can't palm off the sex toy as a lipstick or a back massager, and your mum is just too damn smart for a line like that. Cara Sutra advises acknowledging the awkwardness of the situation head-on. Well, this is awkward! Let me just er And let's never speak of this again" might be better. Blame it on a friend Honesty is the best policy, but if you really can't face telling your mum about your sex toy, Oloni recommends blaming it on a friend.
And, preferably one that doesn't exist. You remember Cara, right? And, even if she does, she'll get over it. In the meantime, maybe keep your bedroom a little tidier so she won't feel the need to intervene again. Have something to add to this story? Share it in the comments.