While some women may experience pain during their first experience with penetrative sex, you do not have to have a bad time. Talking to your partner and understanding how sex works can help you relax beforehand.
By setting the right mood and using the right tools, you can make your first time a positive and even enjoyable experience. Steps Building a Positive Attitude 1 Make sure you are ready to have sex.
Feeling nervous about your first time is normal. If you feel tense when you think about sex or when you and your partner are fooling around, it might be a sign that you should wait. If you have sex when it doesn't feel "right," you may enjoy sex less and become tense during the act. A lot of people grow up being taught sex is shameful, should be reserved for marriage, and is only to be experienced between a man and a woman.
Try talking to someone about your feelings. It is normal to feel insecure or unconfident about your body. But if you are scared or cannot be naked because of how you look, it might be a sign that you're not quite ready to be with a partner.
Don't feel ashamed of your sexual preferences. Only you can decide who you're attracted to and what type of sex you want. Talking with your partner can establish trust while helping you feel more positive about having sex. A good partner should be considerate of your feelings and willing to help you through the process. If your potential partner pressures you too much or makes you feel uncomfortable, reconsider having sex with them.
Talk about birth control and protection before you have sex. If they dismiss your feelings, it may be a sign that they do not take your concerns seriously. You might feel awkward discussing sex with an adult, but you should at least identify someone you can reach out to for help.
This could be a parent, a doctor, nurse, school counselor, or an older sibling. They can give you advice, answer your questions, and provide access to protection. Even if you don't end up talking to them beforehand, you may want to have someone you could contact in case of emergency. If you feel pressured to have sex, talk to a trusted adult for help. Remember that you never have to have sex unless you want to. No one should pressure you into doing something you don't want to.
Understanding your own anatomy can help you feel more confident, especially if your partner is also a virgin. Knowing what goes where, what's normal, and what to expect can help ease your anxiety.
Some places you can look include Planned Parenthood , Sex, Etc. Masturbation can help you understand what you enjoy when it comes to sex. Before having sex with a partner, try experimenting with yourself. The hymen is a thin membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening. It starts to wear away over time due to a variety of activities, such as sports, tampon usage, menstruation, or normal movement.
This is normal, especially if you've started having periods. If you want to check, you can see your hymen using a flashlight and a hand mirror. Light spotting of blood may occur for a few hours after your first time. Some girls won't bleed at all. If you do bleed, it shouldn't be very much.
Any bleeding that happens should not be the same level as a period. Breaking your hymen shouldn't be very painful. Pain during sex is usually caused by friction. This can happen if you are not lubricated or aroused enough. In some cases, your hymen may not break at all. The hymen may stretch, or it might be large enough that sex does not tear the hymen. If you can help your partner ease into you at the correct angle, you'll avoid some potentially painful fumbling.
Most vaginas are angled with a forward tilt toward the belly. If you were standing, your vagina would be at a degree angle to the floor. Try to recreate that same angle when you start penetrative sex.
If you don't use tampons, insert a finger next time you're in the shower. Aim toward your lower back; if that doesn't feel comfortable, shift forward slightly until you find a point that's comfortable. Women rarely experience orgasm from penetration alone. Instead, clitoral stimulation usually causes them to orgasm. Oral sex or clitoral stimulation before penetration can relax the muscles. Try to locate your clitoris before you have sex. You can do this by masturbating or by looking with a mirror and a flashlight.
This can help you guide your partner to it during sex, especially if your partner is also a virgin. Orgasming before penetration may actually help reduce pain during sex. Try to engage in oral sex during foreplay and before penetration. Your partner can also stimulate your clitoris with their fingers or a sex toy. If you're constantly worried about getting caught, you might not have much fun. Make it easier on yourself and your partner by choosing a time and place where you won't be disturbed.
Look for privacy, a comfortable surface to lie down on, and a time when you aren't worried about being on a schedule. Think about whether you're more comfortable having sex at your place or theirs. If you're in a dorm or if you share a room, you might ask your roommate to give you some time alone that night. Loosen up by making the atmosphere stress-free. Clean up any distracting clutter, shut off your phone, and remove anything else that might make you feel nervous or keep you from focusing on your partner.
Dim lighting, soft music, and a warm room temperature can help make you feel safe and comfortable. Consider taking some time to groom yourself beforehand so that you feel relaxed and confident. Make sure you and your partner have openly agreed to have sex. If you're not sure how your partner is feeling, ask before going forward. Just because your partner doesn't say "no," it doesn't mean you have consent.
If you do not want sex, they should back off when you say no. Condoms protect against both pregnancy and sexually-transmitted infections STIs. Using protection may help you relax if you are nervous about getting pregnant or a disease. Other forms of birth control do not protect against STIs, so a condom gives you an extra layer of protection. If your partner refuses to use a condom, you may want to reconsider having sex with them. There are both male and female condoms available.
The most important thing about condoms is that they fit. Partners should buy a few different types of condoms. Try them on and see what fits best. If your partner has a latex allergy, nitrile condoms are a great alternative. Condoms should be worn before, during, and after penetration. This will increase your protection against STIs and pregnancy. Lubricant will ease a lot of the pain by reducing friction. It can also help prevent condoms from breaking during sex.
Apply lubricant to your partner's penis over the condom or sex toy before they penetrate you. If you're using latex condoms, do not use an oil-based lubricant. These can weaken the latex and cause the condom to tear or break. Instead, use a silicone- or water-based lube. It is safe to use any type of lube with a nitrile or polyurethane condom. Try to enjoy the moment instead of rushing to the finish line.
Spend time figuring out what you and your partner both enjoy. Start with kissing, move to making out, and stick to whatever pace feels most comfortable for both of you. Foreplay can help you relax while increasing arousal. It can also increase your natural lubrication, making it easier for your partner to enter you painlessly. Remember that you can stop having sex at any point. Consent is active and ongoing. You have the right to stop or withdraw consent at any point you want.
Don't be afraid to ask for what you need in the moment. If something feels good, let your partner know.