Continue Reading Below Advertisement The increasingly unlikely series of positions forces us to conclude that this man has somehow twisted himself into a singularity. A picture might be worth a thousand words, but these days a phone line means you almost certainly have an Internet connection, and that means you have access to infinite images of real sex. Or, if you're specifically into audio encouragement, you don't want a picture at all.
Besides, a second-party drawing a doodle for third-parties about a fourth-party getting off while talking to a fifth-party puts more layers between you and sex than using one of those Russian nesting dolls as a condom. None of that will have prepared you for this picture: Continue Reading Below Advertisement The sheer innocent joy of the picture means it has to be criminal. Especially since it appears on the Norwegian Wikipedia page for "Telefoonseks," which just sounds like an appallingly precocious educational cartoon.
The inherent happiness almost distracts you from the conversation: That guy is talking about having big tits while rubbing his belly invitingly. So he's either involved in very progressive roleplay, or catfishing the hell out of some poor jerk er. Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below Advertisement The oranges represent the fact that the girl behind the counter is a prostitute and just as available for sale as the champagne she is serving.
It is only a matter of time before she has to copulate with a man who means nothing to her. The dead look in the woman's eyes elevates this image further by making you aware that you clicked this far specifically to see it instead of anything else ever created by humanity.
Meanwhile, the sheer horror of being involved has apparently transformed the sperm into wallpaper paste. Maybe because anyone who can ejaculate while looking at this really should glue shut any orifice they're allowed into to remove the risk of reproduction.
Continue Reading Below 7 Excited Blowjob Wikipedia is meant to be a reference guide edited by experts, not the Web-based version of an year-old desperately proving that they do so know what "sex" means by scribbling on their notebook in the back of class. Because when that happens, you get this: We're fairly sure that doesn't need to be pixelated.
Continue Reading Below Advertisement Witness the daring lack of line work suggesting that the penis is actually ejaculating her lips onto her face, combining appalling body-horror with exquisite aim. The disintegrating breast would be reminiscent of Picasso, if the whole thing wasn't so unbelievably wrong. Continue Reading Below Advertisement This isn't a contribution to the repository of human knowledge. This is someone who had tracing paper and five seconds access to a porno magazine.
Quickly drawing your own dirty pictures might have made sense 20 years ago, back when somebody with a computer couldn't see infinite blowjobs the instant they decided to do so.
If this was traced from a real image, by someone who then deleted the photo, that means this picture is so bad it actively destroyed information about blowjobs. Escher-bation" might seem like an appallingly painful and self-indulgent portmanteau, until you look at the act I am using it to describe: I am sure at some point we've all gone to great lengths to get off, but those lengths were always measurable in Euclidean space.
This guy is jacking off in a hellscape without any shadows to hide him, or help us work out the angle of that shelf he's semi-squatting on. Either he's knocking one out in Limbo or this is a tightrope walker with such bad sex addiction that he can't even wait until he gets to the other side.
The demented determination to masturbate across all possible boundaries also captures the spirit of the artist. It's where Wikipedia editors have re-created most of the major religious schisms of history in one onanistic online argument. Some decried real pictures as lacking scientific merit. Others said the Internet didn't need more masturbation material. One proposed possible Kantian a posteriori arguments against masturbation, as if the only posterior involved in masturbation shouldn't be dat ass.
Continue Reading Below Advertisement Alas, with such insane forces arrayed against him, even our dimensional masturbator could not come through. He still lives on as a grim observer on the talk page , busily trying to distract himself from the madness the only way he knows how.
Continue Reading Below 5 Nipple Artifacts Great artists sometimes talk about subjects simply leaping onto the page, ethereal visions of such urgent beauty that the artist is only a conduit to creation. Art is really hard to do well. Especially when other parts of your body are also hard, as was clearly the case here. The artist -- no, the creator -- nope, the, uh, party responsible decided a woman licking another woman's nipple was the best thing ever and simply couldn't wait to create.
We'd rather pixelate this whole monstrosity, honestly. Continue Reading Below Advertisement No time to calm down! No time to learn how to draw! No time to tidy up all the telltale MS Paint mistakes that make the picture look like it's been lightly dusted in sugar. He had a vision of a woman who suffered a serious head injury just behind her hairline working her way down a viciously taloned Bride of Frankenstein in fishnet stockings, and the world needed it to exist ASAP.
Also, you can't see it because of the pixelation lucky you , but she thoughtfully used her own eyeshadow and neon pink lipstick to mark the location of her nipple on the melted mess of her chest. Almost literally, in this case. Her happy place is on the opposite side of the universe. Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below Advertisement The best thing about this picture, "best" being an adjective I've now destroyed, along with the word "picture," is how all the men have considerately arranged themselves to one side, sitcom-style, so that the audience can see what's going on.
Which is strangely out of character because consideration for others is not a defining trait of bukkake gangs. Though they're more diverse than most popular sitcoms. Not that I would know.
More disturbing is how the artist has somehow gifted the woman with an understanding of her situation. She could have been drawn in a magical fantasy land where the rain of man-juice is an enjoyable experience.
She knows where she is. She's not just ground zero of a gentleman juicing; she knows she's doing it for free on an allegedly educational website. Anyone who can't work it out after hearing the word is an alien trying to trick you into revealing the secrets of this hu-man thing called "pornography.
She looks like he's just proposed instead of popping all over her. Which in fairness may be the last original wedding proposal mechanism left in the world, complete with a cunning role-reversal of who's kneeling. She's even got tears in her eyes, though that's more because of his aim than his intent. They have to move beyond their own comfort zone, and when your early works involved fisting and finger-pulping double-penetration that can be a challenge.
So what did seedfeeder do? Try a new perspective? Go on a retreat? Draw something that wasn't explicitly pornographic? No, they moved on to mixed-media, a porno-pop-art project drawing the same thing with different fill effects. And, like trying to put together a bookshelf, these instructions also look simple but can involve an awful lot of fiddling and cursing to actually complete.
The same sexual lines and the artist goes to great lengths to make sure they are sexual but definitely not sexy are thinned, while the color advances through thick bands of flesh tone. Almost as if old bit consoles really were trying to corrupt children the way parents thought. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Also, you are missing out on seedfeeder's attention to detail in the new image with the slight reddening of her ring because of our pixelation, which has made the resulting flowing-together digital sex-slurry infinitely more horrifying.
And you'd want to be enjoying yourself to become the organic engine block for a pork piston two-stroke engine. Continue Reading Below Advertisement The top guy is so devoted to her pleasure he's pounded his own hand to jelly and is still bracing himself with the floppy flesh-sausages to help her reach orgasm.
We're getting a clearer view inside the artist than the woman, though: Most of these diagrammatic damsels are undecorated, but double penetration lady is suddenly wearing earrings and lipstick. Seedfeeder is clearly working through a few internalized stereotypes as well as X-rated acts. It's worth noting this explicit portrayal of multi-penis intercourse has better diversity and gender ratios than both Marvel and DC movie universes.
Though, ironically, not better than the DP movie. Something we're sure he'd enjoy. He also tumbles , and responds to every single tweet. They're all losers compared to some of the actual badasses from history you know nothing about. Get your tickets here! Also follow us on Facebook. But we would really like it if you did.