You might think these are hot because you read a magazine somewhere, but they actually kind of suck. This post features frank descriptions of sexual positions and is NSFW. Growing up in the age of the Internet meant that porn no longer involved shady backrooms in the back of a local video rental store with sticky VHS tapes and running into your Biology teacher.
We were fortunate enough to have porn at our disposal for entertainment, for our learning, and more importantly? Of course, the phenomenon of Internet porn was once something you needed a monthly or annual subscription. Most of us were not trying to explain a charge from Bangbros. Luckily, there was one perv I knew in college that had little shame and shared his password to the best sites for all our enjoyment. This was, clearly, a horrible idea.
I like to think of myself as someone who will try anything that is mildly appealing to me at least once. Sure, it was fun to give it a try, but there are some seriously overrated sex acts and positions that are more fun in porn then in real life. For one thing, it really works best if you are about the same height as the other person and if the person has a shred of grace in their movements.
As one of her good friends, I would have to agree. Any threesome deserves a group hi-five and nothing less. I made the two hour mark and told him that tantric sex was not for me. I had a job, I needed to return all those text messages that I heard going off during our sexcapade, and I desperately needed a sandwich. I was all excited and sent my boo some very racy texts while I was at work that I was ready to take a cum shot to the face.
I should have known by his lack of excitement that it was probably going to end badly. As great as the sex was leading up to it, his load got in my hair and my eye which left him apologizing profusely and me squealing in discomfort.
Literally the opposite of how you ever want sex to end. And contrary to what hipsters would have you believe, bacon does not make everything better.