Free sign up cp newsletter! There are untold Christians, both saints and leaders alike, living in a marriage without intimacy, or sex as the true term is coined. According to experts, a sexless relationship is one in which the frequency of sex has dwindled to 10 times or less in a year.
Statistics suggest that more than percent of couples in America come under this category. The intimate connection that results from sex is often the glue that holds a marriage together. As human beings, we are hard-wired to crave a special sense of intimacy with another human being. That is why people who are in a sexless relationship feel lonely, hard, depressed and emotionally unfulfilled. The problem is that often only one spouse no longer wants to have sex while the other one still craves it.
And rather than deal with these vital issues, oftentimes the one spouse that is without such intimacy attempts to fill the void by being extra active in other areas of their life, such as church ministry, sports, hobbies, etc. Intimacy comes from God. Lead me not into temptation In particular, for us as Christians, this poses an added danger — infidelity. Even many times not even realizing it! According to columnist Sheeri Mitchell, she writes to Christian women about Christian couples in a sexless marriage: But an excuse is an excuse is an excuse no matter how cleverly or eloquently phrased it is.
Sexually active men need sex often…not once a month, not once a year, not only on holidays — but often. Websites, books, television shows overflow with information about the difference between the sexual needs of men and women. Some wives and even a few husbands are like sexual camels, able to go years without sexual intercourse.
But most healthy husbands need sex just to function. But just in case there is, let me make it plain.
Understand, that especially for a husband, this is a part of who he is and if this is withheld, you have withheld not only a physical command by God, but also the love and commitment you promised by marriage. In essence, when you withhold physical intimacy from your spouse, whether husband or wife, you are breaking your marriage vows and putting your spouse in a position of vulnerability and temptation.
Physical intimacy is healing and brings a closeness that absolutely nothing else, from talking to playing, to worshiping, etc. This is how God made a marriage to be. For the partner who is left to an empty sex life by the other, the emotions and feelings bring rejection, low self-esteem, frustration, confusion, loneliness and a myriad of deep, hurtful feelings, regardless of wife or husband.
Many don't realize that if a spouse puts their partner in this type of situation, and their partner falls into infidelity, they are just as responsible as their partner.
In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. There are some obvious signs that alert you to the possibility of your marriage going the sexless way. The first of these is when the frequency of regular intimate contact begins to decrease dramatically. Of course, in most marriages, the initial fervor dies down after some time.
Still, many couples work out a pattern that keeps them both satisfied. But if you find that even the smallest and simplest of gestures is unwelcome, then you may be in for trouble. Cycles of sexless marriages: Partner A refuses intimacy with partner B for whatever reason. Partner B becomes deeply hurt, confused and eventually resentful at Partner A. Partner B hurts back at Partner A in various ways that add insult to injury, furthering the dissolving of this marriage.
Partner A becomes resentful and angry at the hurtful actions of Partner B. A spiral of hurt, distance and a total breakdown of communication occurs until the marriage completely shatters. Usually both partners blame the other partner and sometimes even justify the breakup by a noble cause of some sort.
Can my sexless marriage be fixed? We were speaking with a University student the other day who asked a similar question of whether or not a marriage that is far gone and broken can be fixed. So, here are some ways to help the situation and of course the main thing is to make intimacy a priority: The image of him, his voice, waiting for letters in the mail, phone calls, his kisses, his cologne, etc.
It is vital for the relationship to be healthy that the wife must develop the habit of thinking about sex for her husband. This part is for your husband. Your part is when there is what's called "gourmet" sex, when there is extra long, special romance and time taken. Be the first and you will have his heart in your hands to trust. You are destroying your trust and relationship with your spouse. Get rid of something to accommodate. You are telling your husband that he is not as important as your list of items on your to do list.
This will destroy your relationship. When we continue the negative cycle, we think this is "normal" simply because we have been doing it continually for so long. That's the farthest thing from the truth. We can deceive ourselves out of a life of richness and love that comes with being close and intimate often. Intimacy is healing and will continue the bond between husband and wife that absolutely nothing else will.
You may be ready to heat things up a bit, but before you start doing things to re-ignite the passion, "aim first. THEN deal with those things. Aim at your target.
Don't just shoot, aim. Find out specifics by discussing this in depth with your partner. Then shoot at the target. Conclusion So, as with any important task in marriage, after ascertaining that there is indeed a problem that needs addressing, working on these tips will greatly improve your momentum in becoming an intimate couple again.
Remember, intimacy comes from God, and is also required by God. Make intimacy a priority and you will be amazed at how blue the sky can be, and how sweet the birds can chirp once again!
A Practical Guide for Couples.