If you wake up next to someone, you: Probably woke up 45 minutes before she did and breakfast is on the table, would they like some? Actually, neither of you fell asleep. How do you take your coffee? And I grew it. And I made you a cup. I only drink coffee when I can make it myself. Black, like my heart. When getting dressed in the mornings, you: Throw on whatever seems clean and sort of matches. Throw on whatever seems clean and matches, and receive compliments all morning.
Know these compliments are due to your winning personality and not your power clashing, but let them warm your heart. Dress in the favorite of the two outfits you laid out the night before, and receive compliments all day. The first thing you do at work is: Check in and see where everyone is and whether anyone needs any help. Organize the day and run a morning meeting. Belay down a sheer rock face while hitting inbox zero.
Before going on a date, you always: Text a friend for good luck, change the sheets on your bed and dim the lighting in advance. Mess up your hair just so, sweep the clutter into your closet and decide whether or not to pack.
Sort and straighten your lube drawer according to texture, material and potential allergens. Wonder if you should alphabetize it instead until you check the time. Leave, but remain conflicted. Sterilize and polish your toy collection, make sure your favorite is on your nightstand and draw the curtains. What do you do? Ask your best friend for help. If your best friend is unavailable, ask some friendly forest fauna for help. If friendly forest fauna are unavailable, light a carefully contained signal fire, lay out an emergency blanket and sit tight until someone comes.
Everything else is just misplaced around you. You have an impeccable sense of direction and ability to read maps, which you had laminated. Sit and wait for them to find you, and in the meantime locate three fresh-water springs, teach yourself to construct a shelter and learn to navigate by starlight. When you go to parties, you: Do a lap before picking a location, often near your closest friends.
Are the life of them. Observe from the sidelines, occasionally dazzling the crowd with obscure facts. You wake up with icy, slippery rocks beneath you. You feel the back of your head and the bruise from where they knocked you out as you got into the helicopter. You search your pockets and find your waterlogged phone and: A backup charger, a compass with a broken needle and the mysterious coin your best friend gave you on the last day you — or anyone in this century — saw them.
A pocket knife, a dead tracking device and soggy cat treats. A book on helicopter maintenance, a book on the fish and fauna of North America and three softly glowing stones. A wristwatch that was ultimately not water resistant to m, a map and daily log too smeared to read and the key to your vault disguised as decorative teaspoon.
You are locked in a dark dark room in a dark dark house in a dark dark forest. Around you, all is silent, save for a clock that chimes every quarter hour. You do not know how many quarter hours it has been. You are scared, but you know someone is coming to save you, and in the end you will triumph. You are not scared, not even a little, not even at all. You have learned everything there is to learn about the dark dark room and the dark dark house and the dark dark forest, and when the time comes, you will use it.
You own the forest. You own the house. You own the room. You are the dark. Your favorite type of dessert is: Apple crisp, roasted pears, or anything fruity, vegan and gluten-free. Birthday cake, brownies, cookies — anything easy to share.
Served cold, like revenge. Before going to sleep, you: Text goodnight to someone special. Post wildly about your day on twitter. Lock the doors, lock the windows, align the three glowing stones, dry now, at the foot of the bed, and rest. Flinch as your wristwatch, revived, strikes the quarter hour.
You have a squishy head, a hard body and a reputation to match. The Magic Wand Rechargeable is silicone and hard plastic. Mostly As and Bs: You have a shorter end with a g-spot-hitting curve and clit-hitting ridge, and a longer, slimmer shaft for deeper penetration.
Your vibrator pops out so you can be fully sterilized. The ShareVibe is medical-grade silicone with an elastomed bullet. The smaller end is 4. The Ripple comes in purple or black platinum silicone. Both feature a wider flared base for safety.
Mostly Bs and Some Cs: A classic with a squishy outside and a solid core, you stay in place for penetration but are flexible enough for packing. The Mustang is premium silicone and comes in three flesh tones. Mostly Cs and Some As: The Njoy Pure Wand You are an actual wizard.
Like the Pure Wand, you can pull orgasms out of almost anyone and do it with style. The Pure Wand is made of medical-grade stainless steel and is 7. One bulb is 1. Mostly Cs and Ds: Flexible like the paddle end or firm like the handle, you do what it takes, where it takes to get the job done.
You work inside and out, in the moment and from up to 12m away, and you do it with style. You have eight settings, two motors, one 24k gold wrapping and infinite potential.
The Tiani 24K is made of silicone and 24K gold and has 2.