Eric Lauritzen , knows what usually works in life and what doesn't. And yes, there is something you should do: Stop having sex with her now. Stop asking, stop pressuring, stop initiating, stop begging.
If you can't deal with that, you need to end the relationship. Consent under duress is not consent. If you need to argue and fight to get sex, that essentially amounts to rape or comes too damn close. That sounds extreme, and maybe you are not describing the situation accurately, but the difference between consensual sex and rape is consent.
You describe a need to put her under duress of some sort to get her to consent. If that is not, rape, it is sickeningly close to it. At the very least, it is a sign that you should not be having sex with her. I am responding to what you say in the details which is somewhat different than what you say in the question: Often, the only way to get some is to make a scene, argue, and fight. She feels guilty and agrees. In a nominally healthy situation, none of that is necessary.
The problem you need to deal with first is not that she doesn't say yes. The problem you need to deal with first is that you don't know how to deal with it when she says "no. No one is obligated to have sex with you. No one, under any circumstances, no matter what the nature of your relationship, is obligated to have sex. Get that through your head. Maybe she thinks it is "dirty" or that it is somehow wrong if women desire sex. It could be some sort of cultural thing. In any case, that is a problem that needs resolved before you resume sexual relations with her.
It has to be her that believes it is a problem and she needs to want to resolve it. If that sounds like more hassle than you should have to deal with, the solution is to end the relationship. Thank you for your feedback! Your feedback is private. It is not normal for a woman to have no libido. But as Seinfeld says - women are sexual camels. No getting around that fact of biology. If it is not a medical issue, then I'm afraid that she isn't attracted to you, and you aren't helping the matter by begging for sex.
Begging for sex is not attractive. The proper way to initiate sex is to do just that - initiate sex. If she turns you down, it has no affect on you and you go do something manly like lift weights or wrench on the car. And you do so in a happy and carefree way. If she asks what's wrong - smile and peck her on the forehead like a little child and leave the scene - you're not getting laid, so you have very little use for her at the moment. Your attitude should be one of sexual abundance, and she should sense that you can have sex with as many women as you want.
If you're not that confident - then get that way. Stand up tall, dress well and act like a boss. Try not to be too much of a douche, but don't shy away from conflict, either. If at the end of that period you do not see a marked improvement, it's not going to happen. You need to either resign yourself to a sexless relationship or leave, because it's mostly unfixable at that point. You have to be 2 points more attractive than she is.
Work out, make sure you are in good shape. Get yourself in dating trim. She will notice the changes in you and either come along for the ride, or you will be in a much better position to find a new mate who appreciates your awesomeness. You can't change her, you can only change yourself.
Women are attracted to confident earners. If you don't have a good job, get one or start a business. If you are lazy, get up off your ass and do something around the house - manly stuff like adding a deck, not doing dishes or mopping the floor unless you made the mess.
If you don't have many friends, make some and start hanging out with them. It helps if some of those friends are attractive women. Is this answer still relevant and up to date? Anonymous Answered w ago Women are turned on by emotional factors, feeling loved, romantic gestures, etc.
Small things can make a huge difference. For instance, my first husband never walked in the door of our home without having a gift for me, even if it was a plastic rose from the gas station where he stopped to buy a lotto ticket. I had them in every color! He also sent me post cards every day when he was out of town, and frequently gave me greeting cards even when he was in town. These cards contained over the top romantic expressions of passion and adoration, poetry, the whole bit.
My kitchen cupboards were covered with these things. Whenever he was out of town he called every day and talked to me for at least two or three hours, which is excessive I know, but he was a big talker. He told me every little thing that happened to him and what he thought of it and how he felt about it. Talking is a romantic activity for women, it is "sharing. In fact my husband told me the whole history of his life so I felt like I knew everything there was to know.
I found out after he died that there actually were some very important things I didn't have a clue about, but at the time I felt that I knew everything. Some things I'm glad he didn't tell me.
When he was home he spent a lot of time resting, because he traveled for a living and he was older so that took a toll. However, he loved to have me lie in bed with him and cuddle, and he also talked non stop during those times. If he ran out of things to say, he read the tabloids to me, with his humorous commentary.
I didn't care what he talked about as long as I felt he wanted to be with me. If you can establish habits of talking and cuddling and other non sexual contact it is natural for her to want to be near you for the romance and the love, and the cuddling will probably get her in the mood without you having to ask. This is just my opinion, but I think if you make a woman feel loved you will have more sex than you can handle. Yet it may be important to find out if she is getting what she wants in bed.
This also involves lots of talking, lots of non sexual or at least non intercourse kinds of physical contact that is affectionate and sensual without always being about you know what.
She is only barely consenting to sex. That can't feel great for you either. So why doesn't she initiate sex? Let's list a few reasons: She doesn't like sex in general She doesn't like sex with you She doesn't like sex with men She doesn't like you She doesn't feel confident in her body or sexuality She has things going on in her life that makes her not want to have sex such as work, family, mental health issues, or all of the above.
If you can't definitively agree or disagree with ANY of these reasons then I think your relationship is greatly lacking in communication and honesty. That in itself doesn't make for great sex. You've got two hands of your own so see to your own needs for a while.
Have an honest discussion with your wife and try and find out which of the above things apply to her. Keep in mind that it's hard to want to have sex with someone who thinks they are entitled to it.