SHARE There has been much research on girls sexually abused by adult males, and there are many books and research articles on fathers who commit incest with their daughters. In books about male survivors of sexual abuse one can find the occasional case history about a boy sexually abused by his mother. Also, psychotherapist Kali Munro wrote an article on her website about mother-son incest and female perpetrators of sexual abuse.
Why such silence about this? Certainly mother and son incest occurs, but there is a strong cultural taboo about speaking ill of mothers. Even female sex workers reject engaging in fantasies of mother-son incest because it disturbs them. Most are porn sites, thousands of them, which tells us that such incest fantasies are quite alive, though in a dark subculture. When a mother sexually abuses her son.
We idealize mothers, and never want to think of them as behaving abusively or of harboring bad or sexual intentions toward their own offspring. Those who speak out about their mothers sexually abusing them or being indifferent maternally often find themselves accused of lying and betraying their mothers.
Even when a mother is accused of intentionally killing her own children, we want to believe otherwise, giving her the automatic benefit of the doubt, until we absolutely cannot because of incriminating evidence.
If you begin talking about pedophiles, people immediately think of male pedophiles. Again, we bump up against the assumption that mothers protect their children and would never intentionally harm them, especially not sexually. Sometimes force is used, other times psychological or emotional power such as differences in age, status, or rank.
Covert sexual abuse, however, is more indirect: Like sexual harassment, covert incest is not easily perceived and is often subtle, such as a parent denying privacy by entering the bathroom while their teenage child is showering, or insisting children and teenagers leave open the bathroom or bedroom door.
Asked to see their penises to be sure they are developing correctly. Told their sons to take off their shirts while working outside while she stares at him.
Pressed her breasts against him with a wet kiss. Taking uncomfortably long cleaning his genitals as a toddler. Slept in bed with them into their teenage years. Walked into the bathroom while the teenage son is showering.
Despite their strong feelings, victims are persuaded to believe that their thinking is faulty and give their perpetrators a pass. However, it is abuse because she is touching them emotionally and mentally. Many share that mindset, but the truth is that young boys are just as susceptible as females to sexual abuse and rape.
Thus, when a mother sexually abuses her son covertly, you have the setup for a perfect crime: Let me offer one of my cases that illuminates this problem. The case of Stuart Stuart, 37, told me that his wife had finally had had enough of feeling secondary to his mother and son incest fantasies they played out in the bedroom. She said she felt he enjoyed the fantasies more than their sex without them.
When he met his wife, she did not like the fantasy at first, but eventually went along with play acting it out with him because it turned him on so much. She knew he looked at porn of mother and son adult incest. What his wife did not know was that Stuart was contacting women online to engage in talking about mother and son incest.
He never met any of these women, he just enjoyed getting them to admit they were aroused by their sons—even if it were a stepson. Stuart said he had always had these mother and son incest fantasies. He would ask women he dated and hooked up with to tell him of any sexual fantasies they had about their sons. He spent hours on porn sites watching mother and son incest movies and reading erotica on the topic. She would spoon with him, her arms and legs over him and her large breasts firmly pressed against him.
Often, he would awaken in the middle of the night in a daze, with his mother on top of him. He remembered getting erections from this, and since he was enjoying the contact, he blamed himself.
He never believed she knew what she was doing. It is a little weird as I think back on it now. His male teachers and friends commented on how beautiful and seductive she was.
Stuart said she often walked from bathroom to bedroom wearing only panties, seemingly oblivious to anyone around her. At clothing stores, she would bring him into her dressing room while she changed. However, she did this until he was years-old. She would walk into the bathroom while he showered and even when he urinated. When Stuart was in his 20s, he once told his mother that she should cover up and not wear clothes that exposed so much cleavage.
When he told his sister that he was having some disturbing dreams about his mother caring for his nephew, she shrugged it off. However, it was important for Stuart to confront his mother, to disown any responsibility for her abuse, and place it back where it belonged—onto her. Whether she decided to accept it was her issue, not his.
Interest in mother and son incest fantasies, porn, and play with his wife remained with him, but with our work together, he became able to control these fantasies instead of them controlling him.
He went from trauma re-enactment to trauma play, which I talk about in article. Facing the truth Overcoming this taboo about the reality of mother and son incest is not easy for either victim or therapist. I strongly recommend the website www.