January 19, at 6: I pray that you strength your self in God and his live for you through Jesus Christ. I May 13, at 4: Just recently I broke down because I found on my husbands phone porn sites and lots of them in the history. I thought we had settled this a few years ago when I discovered his porn tendencies and expressed my desire that we should separate because I did not feel I was enough for him.
He went through the apology route and told me how much he loved me and he would not hurt me like that again. He came in the bathroom a few minutes later and found me crying. He pushed for us to talk immediately, but I told him we would talk later because our son age 9 was still up and the conversation we needed to have was not something I wanted our son to over hear. I could see panic in his eyes at not knowing what the discussion was going to be about so he rushed to have our son get ready for bed which it was time for him to get ready for bed anyway.
He tries to reassure me that I am everything to him and in no way has he ever cheated on me, but to me he may not have physical contact but I still feel betrayed and that in someone he did cheat.
This as you can imagine is not a pleasant or easy conversation to have. We have been beee married for 17 years, but together for 24 years in all. I our sexlife has not been great. It used to be but then it dimished to once a week and then maybe once or twice a month.
I am not one of those wives who does not enjoy sex, because I do. I love being with my husband. He tells me that my appearance does not matter, that he loves me for me on the inside and out. I fell lost and frustrated and heartbroken.
I just not sure what we should do next. I doubt he would go to counseling. Lisa Eldred May 14, at Start by reading Porn and Your Husband , which will give you a starting point for boundary-setting, among other things. You also mentioned ED problems. Many porn users have reported ED as a result of porn use; abstaining from porn helped fix it. Stay strong, and cling to God! I pray that the same will be true for you.
January 12, at 5: I want to tell you that, as terrible as this pain is right now, you can absolutely find healing and hope. Whatever your husband chooses, healing is there for you.
First and foremost, I am concerned about your level of pain, and the isolation you are feeling. I want to make sure that you are getting the support that you need as you walk this journey.
I would recommend that you look for a counselor in your area and begin meeting with that person immediately. I would also encourage you to think about who you can talk with about this—some safe friend or family member who can support you through it. I know you know that this is NOT about you! It sounds to me like your husband has had this habit for a long time. This is about HIM. And it will be up to HIM to change it. With the level of use you are describing, it sounds like your husband will have a LOT of work to do!
I would hope that he 1 gets his internet filtered, monitored, and generally cleaned up right away; 2 gets into a group like Pure Desire, xxxChurch, Sex Addicts Anonymous—anything really to help him be accountable on a regular basis.
He would probably benefit from personal counseling as well. It will be a tough battle, no doubt, and it will be up to him to commit to that and do the work. I hope some of those things help you consider a healthy way forward in this. Please keep in touch and let us know how we can help further. Blessings, Kay melisa July 31, at I would encourage you to find a counselor who can help you process these painful emotions and also work on healthy boundaries.
You can read more about boundaries here and here. Your marriage relationship should reflect your value as a person! Peace to you, Kay Karein I too, am struggling with how to trust. Kay Bruner Hey there. You might appreciate the website, Bloom, where you can join private forums with other women and also take recovery classes and find lots of great resources.
Peace to you, Kay Kimberly Sauls July 13, at I could never love anyone else he has my whole heart forever,but Id rather be alone and able to enjoy this beautiful world with my kids , Life is short you know. Ariane March 26, at 5: I hated myself for not measuring up to being a good Christian wife, even though I did everything I could think of to please God, my husband, and the Christian community.
My own sickness was such that I was on a relentless quest to be a near-perfect Christian wife who interceded constantly for not only for my husband, but our five children. In retrospect, I know that I would have never gotten what I so desperately wanted from him, which was emotional and spiritual intimacy. How could I have gotten this from someone who had short- circuited his own ability to be intimate with his heavenly father?
The psychological damage that I allowed to be inflicted on me and that I inflicted on myself had everything to do with my personal worth and identity in Christ. You know, in some strange way, I still am blaming myself. That tells you how deep these lies go.