May 12, Image: Shutterstock Given a choice, what would you choose: What if you like both? Similarly for bisexual, choosing between men and women is difficult. But can you accept bisexuality in your close family? MomJunction gives you insights into bisexuality, the signs that tell you that your partner is bisexual and how you can help yourself and your partner in such situation. Bisexual people are those who recognize and honor their desire for physical, sexual and emotional attraction to multiple genders.
A mere appreciation of the physical appearance of a same or opposite sex person is not bisexuality. But if the feelings go beyond appreciation to the point that you want to get intimate with either a man or a woman, then you are bisexual.
Sponsored On the Kinsey scale, 0 is someone who is only heterosexual, 6 is homosexual and 3 indicates someone who is both homosexual and heterosexual bisexual 1. Living in a world, which subscribes to the dichotomy of sexual orientation, it can be difficult for people who fall near the gray spectrum that is the center of the Kinsey scale.
But why do people have to fall into this category? The main causes of bisexuality can be social factors, sex drive, prenatal hormones, brain structure, and chromosomes. Often bisexuals are not sure about their sexual orientation as it is an ongoing process for them 2. The reasons may vary from person to person because sexuality is highly individualistic.
There are many other theories too. Neglectful same sex parenting. Peer rejection and sexual abuse. Introduction to that kind of behavior and environment. Experimenting with both genders. Lack of parental guidance or morals to follow. Narcissistic tendencies; they want both the gender to find them appealing or physically attractive.
The bisexuals are part of the LGBT lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community, and identify themselves as bisexual, pansexual or fluid. Many including lesbians and gays believe that bisexuality does not exist as a unique identity. They presume that they are physically attracted to the opposite sex and experimenting or having fun with the same gender people 3. Moreover, bisexuals are covered under a relationship with the opposite sex, be it marriage or live-in, which makes it difficult to identify them.
The question is why or how does a bisexual person stay in a monogamous relationship? The answer is simple. They, too, want a meaningful relationship and a family with spouse and children. But would their spouse come to know of it? Can they accept the truth and live with a bisexual partner?
How will you know that your partner is bisexual? The following signs may not definitely tell you that your spouse is bisexual but will guide you in understanding them. You catch him staring at men or catch her staring at women. Do they enjoy attention they get from the same sex? If he likes anal stimulation or likes to have his prostrate massaged. If he wants to have anal sex more than vaginal sex or skips your vagina altogether. Notice if your partner likes to touch the same gender person a lot or get close to them like lovers do.
Chart your sex life with your partner. How often are you intimate with each other? Are you always the one to initiate the process? Is your partner always in a hurry to finish? Women who love other women can appreciate their finer qualities, and join their partner in admiring them. This is not a definitive clue but if she goes overboard in appreciating the sex appeal of another woman then it may be a hint that she is bisexual.
Your partner is into girl-on-girl porn or man-on-man porn. They share their fantasies or desires involving others of same sex. Many times it works. But, back-up your instinct with valid reasons. The sudden discovery comes as a great shock. Your world has turned upside down and you may feel you are barely able to function, sleeping at night might become difficult. You may also feel guilty or ashamed about how your children will have to cope up. Future becomes unclear, dreams are shattered.
Just give yourself time. How you can get through this: Just wait for this phase to get over. Be kind to yourself. Do not blame yourself for the situation. You may feel that the relationship that you had with your spouse has gone forever. Feeling empty or sad is normal.
You might not be ready to know this but you have every chance of building a better relationship. Happy bisexual marriages do exist, with two openly bisexual people or a single bisexual partner taking a vow to love, honor and cherish the relationship.
But before making a decision, you need to accept the reality. Here is some help you might need: Try to understand each other. You will not be able to change each other but you can help each other have a meaningful future. Communicate with each other. Let them talk openly, and do not interrupt them.
Listening will help you understand their feelings and thoughts. Explore your sexual preferences. Imagine if you were to have feelings for a same-sex person, how it would be. See if you can justify those feelings. Connect with counselors or organizations that offer support to bisexual people and their partners.
Visit an LGBT center, where you can get counseling and health information. Connect with couples who have managed to wade through similar experiences. If your marriage does end, end it on a good note because acceptance also means being able to move on.
Allowing each other to start a new life with dignity and respect is also acceptance. Above all, do not involve your children in this melee.
If you decide to stay with your spouse, it is good for the children. But if you want to separate, deal with it delicately so that your children are not psychologically affected. But after a thorough thought process, if you have decided to stay back in the relationship, then it is not going to be easy to keep it normal. You need to put in your best efforts. Having a bisexual husband may be difficult for a wife to accept.
She might feel responsible for her husband being bisexual. His orientation is not the deal but transparency and commitment is what matters in a relationship.
Accepting your husband as he is is the first step towards a secure relationship. Provide your man the trust and understanding he wants from you. Rather than putting restrictions on each other, have ground rules. Be honest because lying only brings doubts and insecurities in a relationship.
Tell him, he cannot be with any other woman than you. As long as you both are faithful with your set up, you can have a secure married life. Dealing with a bisexual wife: Many women realize that they are bisexual after they are married, some only dream of having a same gender sex.
There are bisexual woman who are one man, one woman kinds or one man and many women type. The sexual desire your wife has for other women need not be changed. That is how she is wired. Accepting her and having ground rules will save your relationship as well as sex life. It all depends on your comfort level. Some husbands are ok with their wife having sex with another woman when they are present. Some feel that the less they know, the better is for them.