This is for all you women out there in a relationship with a man who does not try to have sex with you at least a few times per week, if not daily. Ever been with a man like that? These men tend to be passive and avoidant in all forms of sexuality, including touching, kissing and verbal sexuality dirty talk. These men wait for a green light from women before making a move.
They will not attempt any sexual move that puts them at risk of rejection. They get emotionally agitated when rejected sexually, demonstrated by completely fake acceptance masking rage , depression, or by taking it personally.
This whole effect has a disastrous outcome. Women around the world feel unattractive, frustrated, confused, and forced into masculinity. They feel that their partners do not find them attractive, or that their dates just want to be friends.
And everyone misses out on playful, uninhibited nooky. Let me make a couple of points clear here: It has almost nothing to do with sexual desire or how attractive you are. It is rare for a straight guy to have a genuinely asexual platonic relationship with a woman. Why are men hiding their sexuality and avoiding rejection?
Has your man really lost interest in you, or is there something darker happening behind the scenes? I want to help women with these issues in two ways. And secondly, what you can do to help him. There are a number of contributing causes to male passive sexuality. Once religion stops ruling the moral sphere for society we might even achieve some sort of gender-equality. But like all extreme movements, it went too far in some areas.
Namely, third-wave feminism became synonymous with man-hating. In the 60s and 70s the message seemed clear: Obviously, this was not the intended message by most feminists, but it was certainly the message that many men received.
It became the least fashionable thing in the world for a man to show sexual attraction to a woman. Even a wink was considered assault. It became difficult for men to safely understand the difference between harassment, assault, flirting and foreplay. And there was no-one there to teach us, because they were too scared to give the wrong advice. The stage was set for a whole generation of men who of course were to become fathers and rolemodels to become scared , ashamed, and confused about their own masculine sexuality.
Fathers are away working and emotionally distant and they are victims of this shame as well so their rolemodelling is no help , and most school-teachers are female. Women have the best of intentions when they tell a boy how he should treat a woman. Unfortunately this description often includes complete lack of sexuality and leadership, and gives the boy a picture of a lower-status, passive and asexual friend be polite, compliment her, buy her dinner etc.
However, This is not what she is sexually attracted to. So they opt for the safest option: He will then wait patiently for a girl to select him, causing him to forever place women on a pedestal of status above him. He will constantly seek their validation and approval. Movies and TV programmes give boys the impression that men should not develop sexual feelings towards a woman until after they are attracted to her personality.
This does not line up with reality. A man decides whether or not he wants to sleep with you in less than 0. A man does not need to be attracted to your personality to want to have sex with you. Just look at what happened with the Catholic Church. I used to rehabilitate child sex offenders, and can say without doubt the leading trigger to their offending was shame. In the end, you get men who think it is basically wrong to want sex. He was probably trying to get laid without being direct.
If this is starting to resonate with you, download my free ebook PDF guide today: Overcoming fear of rejection is the most frequent conversation I have in the coaching I do. I know men who are quite successful with women yet still feel massive approach anxiety. Nice Guys require alcohol, signs of attraction, anonymity e. Some never do it, even once the relationship has started.
Expressing attraction is a risk-taking behaviour. The fear gives Nice Guys a sickening feeling, linked to thoughts about what would happen if the attraction is not reciprocated. This can continue well after a romantic relationship is established.
I used to think that every time a girl I was seeing said No to sex that it was all over. Men in relationships continue to be sexually passive because of the underlying fear that sexual rejection will signal the end of the relationship entirely.
I am NOT advocating sexual assault, of course. But waiting for a clear invitation before even suggesting interest is weakly passive, and will leave many women waiting in vain. Men have to take a risk — part of masculinity is assertiveness.
Is it because Nice Guys are just shallow manipulative sex-fiends? He has been conditioned to worship and seek the approval of women remember all the female teachers etc.? The courtship was not really romance, it was a misguided and unhealthy attempt to receive your validation. Once you give that validation e. They make their desires known directly, and encourage you to either accept or reject them.
If you try to string them along, they get bored and move on. They will participate in courtship, but only if there is equal investment i. When a Nice Guy gets laid he finally feels that he has received your acceptance. So he no longer has any reason to keep manipulating you into liking him more.
It has nothing to do with how attracted he is to you. It was never about you. And worst of all, he creates a pattern that amplifies this effect. Because he is so passive around sex waiting for you to initiate , he rarely gets it. Now he feels even more worthless. This is a psychological concept that explains why people love to gamble; we are wired to become more obsessed with occasional unexpected rewards than we are with consistent rewards.
He has now unconsciously made you responsible for his self-worth, and he blames both of you for the lack of sexual activity. Our diet and behaviour are increasing oestrogen levels, which exaggerates these issues. So there you are: What can you do to help him rediscover healthy masculinity?
A man who has been brainwashed into thinking that women are the leaders in sex, and that he should wait for full outright expressed permission before even considering sex. For tips, resources and support on this issue, download my free ebook PDF today: How to Have a Relationship With a Nice Guy Here are my top tips for re-programming your man and helping him unleash his masculine, powerful sexuality: Tell him what you want.
The upside to these guys is that they are eager to please you sexually and get a massive thrill from your pleasure. Use this to your advantage. Give him explicit instructions on what to do physically, and encourage him to surprise you. The more he sees himself as sexually successful, the more courageous and risk-taking he will become over time.
Encourage him to be sexually dominant and tell him to lead. Spell it out for him at first, so he can safely challenge his boundaries. Do NOT take over leadership responsibilities out of frustration, as this is only a short term solution that actually increases the problem. Talk openly with him about his views on sex and leadership. Ask him who he thinks should lead and initiate. Let him know its OK for him to do this with you.
Create a safe space for him to speak openly about his sexual shame. Call him out on his shit! This was a total revelation — I thought it was a good thing to show lack of sexual activity, until this happened. Some of my biggest changes came from girls in my life simply being honest and not enabling me.
This is great to do when dating. Spend a weekend away with him, naked and debaucherous. Dedicate a few nights to exploring all of your fantasies and his. This weekend will make him much more sexually comfortable around you. Force him to make decisions for the both of you outside of the bedroom.
Allow and support him to take risks.