Share shares You don't because you think it makes you look bad you're lousy in bed, married to a closet gay guy, just not sexy any more etc. When renowned US therapist Michele Weiner Davis, with 30 years of couples therapy under her belt, suggested 25 per cent of American men didn't want sex, the response was indignant fury.
UK counselling service Relate reported a 40 percent increase in the number of men who have gone off sex UK counselling service Relate reported a 40 per cent increase from the previous decade in the number of men claiming to have gone off sex. These aren't men with erection problems, these are men who aren't interested in getting one. There is good news though: Secondly, the infidelity rate of men in sexless marriages is no higher than the national average of men in all marriages about 20 per cent.
Thirdly, there's lots you can do to fix it. Here are some tried-and-tested strategies that sex therapists say get good results.
The reason why is that it works on some men and freaks the hell out of the rest. Will it work for you? It depends on why he's off sex in the first place. If it's because he sees you as a friend rather than a lover, shocking him into seeing you as a good old-fashioned sex object could well do the trick. If he's avoiding sex because of erection problems, the pressure of not being able to perform when you so desperately want him to could be absolutely disastrous. A 'real man' would be rock hard if treated to what you're offering.
If he's not, his sexual confidence slides quietly through the floorboards. Tracey Cox says the happier and healthier the man, the better your sex life will be Another reason why this can backfire: Don't overreact to any erection problems His penis isn't 18 any more and he's fighting it all the way.
He expects to lose his hair and develop a beer belly but no one really talks about what happens to man's best friend as you get past The first time he doesn't get an erection on cue is a sobering experience, even if he's not sober.
Erection problems aren't the same as low desire, but if he experiences one, sooner or later he's likely to feel the other as well, say the experts. Only seven per cent of young men report problems being able to keep an erection, whereas up to 52 per cent of men between 40 and 70 will experience some degree of erectile dysfunction. Erections don't happen as spontaneously post 40 - he usually needs hands-on stimulation. Penises also become more unpredictable as their owner ages; more vulnerable to his feelings and insecurities.
So be attuned to his emotional as well as sexual state. Let him know you think this is normal so he won't panic or get embarrassed. Embarrassment is often why he starts doing the whole fake yawn at bedtime thing, terrified you'll suggest sex Until eventually he's avoiding sex altogether. Assume the chat will have a positive outcome rather than expect the worst - it will hugely affect how you deliver your message and his reaction to it.
The more confident you are that the solution you're suggesting will be met with approval and excitement, the more positive you'll sound - and the more likely he is to think it's a great idea. Assume he's going to be offended, upset or angry and you'll be nervous, tentative and defensive — and likely to get the same from him. Ask for one thing at a time Because women are so good at processing information and articulating thoughts, we'll often fire off 10 requests and possible solutions in the one chat.
Meanwhile, he's back at point one while you're rattling off number eight. You'll get a lot further if you break your ultimate goal down into steps and if you make the requests action-based. Say 'I want you to be more sensual' and you might as well speak Swahili.
Instead say, 'I love it when you kiss my neck' or 'If you don't feel like sex, would it be okay if you gave me oral sex sometimes? Any request that's based on 'do this' rather than 'say this' is usually a winner. Contrary to popular opinion, its often the man who decides to stop having sex in long-term relationships says relationship expert Tracey Cox Find out what turns him on You already know the answer to that one, right?
You sure about that? Our partner is often the last person we tell our strongest, core turn-ons to because they're often slightly 'dodgy'. Get him comfortable enough to share his closely guarded real sexual self, risk letting him see you emotionally naked and you're poised on the edge of seriously good sex. Look at his lifestyle He's fine emotionally but nothing's working physically?
Get him to cut back on alcohol, quit smoking, exercise, reduce stress wherever possible, get enough sleep. Get him to see a doctor if you think he may be suffering from low testosterone or may need medication. Help him deal with stress rather than add to it Too much work and not enough play makes his penis feel very dull indeed. British men are particularly vulnerable: If he's not coping at work, his self-esteem takes a battering — lots of men define themselves by their status their job , the money they make their job and how well they perform in bed affected by his job.
Our partner is often the last person we tell our strongest, core turn-ons to because they're often slightly 'dodgy' If it's not going well, it's not uncommon for him to 'numb' himself sexually.
One in five men generally say their libido is low because they're too stressed from work - then they kill what little desire is left by doing what most of us do when stressed: Excessive drinking affects the production of testosterone, the primary hormone responsible for our sex drive.
Not surprisingly, the kick-on effect of all this is often depression. So he pops off to the doctor, who hands out anti-depressants and maybe some high blood pressure pills, effectively wiping out any cravings that might have still been hopefully hanging around. A common side-effect of anti-depressants and anti-hypertensive drugs is…you guessed it, a low libido. More bed-friendly stress releasers: The happier and healthier the man, the better your sex life will be.
For more practical information on sex, check out Tracey's best-seller Hot Sex or visit traceycox. Sex expert Tracey Cox reveals what to do if HE doesn't want to have sex any more.