The cover of Newsweek Magazine shows a woman wearing a blind fold. What if women could claim their fantasies as their own without making excuses for it? Take a minute, and imagine an actual real live main stream woman—not a charactor in a book, talking openly about her desires for sexual submission and spankings?
What if that woman was a CEO, nurse, mother, and a wife? What would we think then? What if we learned that she not only read about it, but she did it? That's right, and it wasn't about her love and devotion to a man and his desires? What if it was just connected to sex, and her own desires and she went out and explored it? And then, what if she wasn't punished for her desire and shamed? What if this woman wanted what many men want and get every day? How do we really feel about that?
For me, this is where the lies we tell ourselves about sex start and end. And the craziness begins. The cover story of Newsweek, written brilliantly by Katie Roiphe boils down to one salient point when she talks about all of the heriones of fictionalized female submission desires such as Anatasia in Fifty Shades of Gray.
She can enjoy his punishments and leather whips and mild humiliations without ever having to say that she sought them out or chose them. This little trick of the mind, of course, is one of the central aspects of sexual submission: And the very idea of a real live mainstream woman owning her desire still makes our hair stand on end.
Desire in of itself is a big one for women. We don't want to admit that being desired turns us on. What is more delicious than being the object of desire?
And in the world of dominance and submission, the submissive is often the one tied up and the focus of all attention. That is pretty yummy for a lot of women. I know it's pretty yummy for me. But I cop to the fantasy, and told all in my memoir Shameless: I have given up hiding.
Perhaps, Marta Meana said it best when she said that for most women "Desire is the real female orgasm. We want our significant other—or simply admiring eyes—to reflect back to us their desire for us and this gives us more pleasure that most of us would like to admit to.
It's not very politically correct now—is it? Not any more politcally correct than enjoy giving up our power and spankings. We keep wanting sex to be politically correct. It's not, and it never will be. I want to be swept off my feet by a suitor that just cannot breathe without me. This is a very real sexual desire for countless women.
And that turns on our feminine soul in such a hot deep place that the heroine falls in love. This story is told again and again—marketed directly to women—to our core fantasy and purchased in truck loads by countless women in countless Walmarts across the country every day. And yet, we are bashful about it. Perhaps women are finally admitting the fantasy and giving up being embarrassed by it. Maybe we are finally in a place of knowing that we have power, and therefore we are in charge of when we decide to give it up for a while.
I might be bold enough to declare that this is finally the purest form of feminism and totally being in our power—when we can claim all of our desires. Sexuality and Desire didn't read the play book. The way our desire works in as encoded in our DNA as the color of our eyes, and sweeping it under the covers and the dark corners only hurts us.
I am happy to boldly claim my freedom without excuses or shame. And for me, sometimes that includes blind folds and silk ties. Leave a comment, like it, and share it with your social networks. Learn more about Pamela Madsen by visiting her websites: Com and The Fertility Advocate.