How many Essex girls does it take to change a lightbulb? She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daddy! What's an Essex girl's favorite wine? What do you call an Essex girl with a pound coin on the top of her head? All you can eat, under a quid. What do an Essex girl and your computer have in common? You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
How does an Essex girl part her hair? Action of scissoring legs apart. Why do Essex girls wash their hair in the sink? Because that's where you wash vegetables! How do you get an Essex girl to marry you? Tell her she's pregnant. Who picks it up? The dumb Essex girl. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart Essex girl. Why did the Essex girl scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side. What do you see when you peer into an Essex girl's eyes?
The back of her head. Whats the difference between an Essex girl and a Porsche? You don't lend the Porsche out to your friends. How does an Essex girl like her eggs in the morning? Why is an Essex girl like an old washing machine?
They both drip when they're fucked. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a toilet? A toilet won't follow you around when you've dumped in it.
Why did the deaf Essex girl sit on a newspaper? So she could lip read. How do you drown an Essex girl? Don't tell her to swallow. What do you do if an Essex girl throws a grenade at you? Catch it, pull out the pin and throw it back. What do you call an Essex girl lesbian? Did you hear about the Essex girl lesbian? She kept having affairs with men! Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill?
It kept falling out. But why do Surrey girls take the pill? Why don't Essex girls use vibrators? They chip their teeth. What did the Essex girl say when asked "ever been picked up by the fuzz? Why do Essex girl girls have trouble achieving orgasm? What's the difference between an Essex girl and a bowling ball? You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. How are a bowling ball and an Essex girl alike? You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they'll always come back.
They're both round and have three holes to poke. How did the Essex girl try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a limousine? Not everybody has been in a limo. What do you say to an Essex girl with no arms or legs? Why aren't there many Essex girl gymnasts? When they do the splits they stick to the floor. Why do Essex girls wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
How does an Essex girl interpret 6. How do you brainwash an Essex girl? Giver her a douche and shake her upside-down. What do you call 15 Essex girls in a circle? It took her that long to figure out a 14 inch Viking was a TV set. What do a Ford Escort door and an Essex girl have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get. What's the irritating part around an Essex girl's vagina?
How do you describe an Essex girl surrounded by drooling idiots? What's the difference between an Essex girl and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist. What is the worst thing about having sex with an Essex girl?
What do Essex girls do for foreplay? What's the difference between an Essex girl wife and your job? Your job still sucks after 6 months. Why do Essex girls put their hair in ponytails? To cover up the valve stem. What did the Essex girl name her pet zebra? Why did the Essex girl drown in the pool? How do you get an Essex girl pregnant? Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest. What do you call a fly buzzing inside an Essex girl's head?
What is an Essex girl's favorite rock group? Why did the Essex girl have a bruised navel? Her boyfriend's from Essex too. Why do Essex girls have legs? To get between the bedroom and the kitchen. So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
Why did God create Essex girls? Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. What does a Surrey girl and a tampon have in common? Why do Essex girls have one more brain cell than a cow? So when you pull their tits, they don't shit on the floor. What do you call an Essex girl in a tree with a brief case? How do you amuse an Essex girl for hours?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper Q. How can you tell if an Essex girl has been in your refrigerator? By the lipstick on your cucumbers Q. How do you know which computer an Essex girl was using? By the Tippex on the screen Q.
What did the Essex girl customer say to the buxom waitress reading her nametag?