As I was writing the title of this topic I am picturing what I would assume about a woman if I was reading that. Maybe I'd assume she was a big flirt, or not the kind of nice girl you take home to Mom, or that she is the easy type men use for sex. None of that is true though. I am in my late 30s, Mom to one teenage child, very successful in my job, from a really nice family, really educated and I rarely have sex can't even remember the last time to be honest.
People who know me would probably describe me as kind, funny, loving, open, playful, fun. I am not needy or desperate on any level and just a normal person. Open and affectionate but also not needy or clingy with men. The last 3 men I dated all dated me for about 2 months 4 or 5 dates and then either cheated or lost interest. The last guy I dated didn't stop telling me I was out of his league, beautiful, smart but he slept with someone else right when I was beginning to get to know him and blew the whole relationship before he even got to know me.
I have a problem with men seeming to see me as a fantasy object as some sort. They chase after me very intensely, sometimes obsessively for months or even years but they seem to just want a fantasy and not the real person. I made the choice a few months ago to just completely stop dating because I honestly could just not take any more of it and then last night a situation got me very upset and I have been crying in my pyjamas ever since.
My friend, Mark, has been friends with me for about 2 years when we started working together. Since day one he was obviously really attracted to me, but when we met he had just started dating someone else and he is still with her, so we never got together. We have been friends though for the past two years, we chat bit about general stuff - politics, work and know each other fairly well. I'd have said I considered him a friend and someone I trusted and who I thought valued me as a person and he's been a great cheerleader through all my dating disappointments; always telling me I deserved so much better and would find someone who was good enough for me.
A while ago he confessed to me that he was thinking of leaving his girlfriend because he could not stop thinking about me the past two years and it was messing with his mind. I suggested to him that we stop speaking and he figure out things with his girlfriend and that if he was ever single he should look me up because I'd be open to dating him, but only if he was single.
Last night he sent me a message and basically told me he had tried to push me out of his head and couldn't. He told me he thought about me every day, all the time and he said I was so beautiful, so incredibly sexy, so smart, so funny and so unique and that he was finding it really hard to let go of the idea of being with me.
I tried to have a reasoned conversation with him about it and I said to him that maybe if he had felt this strongly about me for two years consistently, that maybe he should break up with his girlfriend and we should explore dating. He said to me that he'd considered that but he felt we were "too different" and a relationship wouldn't work. I just got so upset by that.
I mean - what is he saying? I just want someone to see me as a girlfriend, and not just an object. Is there some sort of quality I am missing?