Then I asked a bunch of guys the same thing. First, I believe that God created both men and women with sex drives. We both should yearn to make love. And men are much more visually stimulated than women are.
They are supposed to be aroused fairly easily, because it gives them an impetus to really pursue women. Therefore, a man with a low sex drive should be a rare thing. Now, it could honestly just be a variation in population. In any given population, some will have extremely high sex drives, and some will have extremely low sex drives.
So in most cases with a low male libido, something else is going on. What could those issues be? Men aren't always the ones with the higher sex drives! Click To Tweet 1. A man who is using porn will slowly find that it consumes more and more of his life, and more and more of his sexual energy. Porn rewires your brain to tell you that what is arousing is a picture or an image, not a real, flesh and blood person. And you often need more and more porn and more extreme porn to give you the same high that you felt when you started using it.
When men use porn, in general they masturbate as well. And so it becomes quite likely that eventually they will stop desiring their wives in the same way. Porn steals the natural desire you have for each other, so that you stop desiring each other. But an overwhelming majority of men had sought out porn, and it is hurting many marriages.
Check his computer and his phone, and have a talk with him about it. And what does it take to not feel like a man? For instance, I know a woman who is walking through this right now. She married her husband a little later in life when he was working part-time.
He has never worked full-time. He tends to spend his life on the couch, not doing a whole lot. He was rarely told by his dad that he was doing a good job. And so he was never sure if any decisions he made, or any steps he took, were the right ones.
So he simply stopped taking any. I think he fundamentally was scarred. A man can have his masculinity scarred in other ways, too. The root to his scars lie in his family of origin; but even within a marriage he could not feel like a man. Please watch how you talk to your husband. Make sure that when something comes out of your mouth about your husband or to your husband that it is positive. Do not browbeat your husband.
His libido is low because he has low testosterone Another big category for those with low sex drive is an actual physical issue with the hormone that causes low sex drive. But low testosterone can also be caused by other physical problems, like diabetes or even some pain and depression medication.
Low testosterone can also be caused by addictions to alcohol, drugs, pain medication, or even gambling or video games. When something else replaces the high our brains get for sex, it can cause testosterone to shut down. The good thing is that this category is the easiest to fix—if you can get him to talk to a doctor. A week later it happens again.
He was already feeling nervous; he was already feeling slightly humiliated within the relationship. Then erectile dysfunction hits, or perhaps premature ejaculation, and it becomes too much to bear, and he shuts down. And these women feel humiliated. They feel as if they must be freaks, because everywhere else in our media it says that men are desperate for sex.
The message that I want you to take from this is that his low sex drive likely has little to do with you. But know that you are not alone, and know that it is becoming a problem that is increasingly more common. And do these categories resonate with you?
Follow-up posts in this series: