I read your book, Seasoned Romance, and have one major question. Why does there have to be such an emphasis on oral sex? I am a 71 year old grandma and great-grandma, and have never had it done to me or done it to a man. I've from a Native American background, and I don't think I've ever heard of it being part of our culture, but I could be wrong, since my family was pretty closed mouth about the whole process. My first husband never asked or offered oral sex, and we were pretty good in the sack.
He passed away five years ago, and I've only dated one man since then. We recently got married, and he has asked me several times to do it orally, both him to me and me to him, and even at the same time Actually, he's the one who got me to read your book. So why is oral sex such a big deal? And why would a seasoned senior, as you call them, be so interested in doing it that way when the old fashioned way seems to work just fine?
By the way, up to now I've told him I wasn't sure, but after reading your book and seeing all the pleasure both men and women seem to get out of it, I'm at least wiling to get more information about it before deciding for or against it. That's why I'm writing to you. We get this question often, more often from senior women than men, and it's certainly a topic that comes up more often than you can imagine among men and women over First of all, you should never be pushed into doing anything you simply don't want to do, especially if you feel it is distasteful or against your beliefs.
However, since your new husband seems to want to experiment orally, and since you are open to get more information, let me give you five quick reasons why you might want to try it, especially as a senior. First, senior sex in any form is wonderful, and many say it is actually more fulfilling as you get older. However, the arousal process may change as you mature.
Both men and women may require more pleasuring than the old "Wham! As a man ages, for example, he is sometimes slower to get an erection, and many times, even at the height of passion, the erection isn't as rigid or dependable as when he was 18, 38 or even Some women become judgemental, to their discredit, and the relationship often suffers as a result.
Other women, the smartest ones and usually the most satisfied sexually , decide to take matters into their own hands and mouth , and the results may be much more rewarding that you can imagine, not just for your long-term relationship, but also for the short-term fireworks!
Second, you can get and give pleasure orally in ways you never could through vaginal intercourse not that you can't do both! There are so many things that you both of you can do orally, especially as the man moves from soft to hard and points in-between, as long as neither of you gets in a rush. Third, as you get older and experience bodily challenges aching knees, bad backs, arthritic shoulders, etc.
Choosing to ignore the oral options for foreplay and sex tends to reduce your options for sexual fulfillment and often becomes the reason to quit trying to have sex altogether. Fourth, many women that we have interviewed through the years have actually expressed surprise at how good it feels when a man climaxes during oral sex, saying that the taste and good feelings are a far cry from what they would have ever imagined. And since one of the fears women sometimes express about oral sex comes from wondering if she will gag on the semen, it is important to note that since most older men tend to ejaculate less than in their younger days, that worry is nil, whether you choose to swallow or discreetly use a tissue after helping him feel like King Stud.
Fifth, many females enjoy receiving oral sex because it allows them to focus on their own feelings of pleasure and passion, which many women of our generation tended to ignore in the past. His tongue can do things and touch areas that intercourse does not allow. And don't hesitate to tell him what feels good to you. Deep breaths and sultry murmurs at the right moment go a long way in making him feel like Superman with a tongue of steel and no kryptonite in sight!
Is oral sex for you? That's something that only you and your partner can answer. But don't ignore the fact that there are many good reasons to try. If you are like many seasoned seniors, you may discover that what you thought would be unpleasant or strange actually becomes both exotic and erotic. A good friend of ours, not only a noted sex therapist, joker and romantic, but also a sailor for most of his life, says this about oral sex for seniors: We have interviewed many older men and women who consider oral sex the perfect outlet for seniors.
One couple, now in their 90s, told us that it is one of the main reasons why they have lived to such a ripe age. If we decide to try intercourse at some point, that's great. If we do it orally, that's great. If we do mutual or side-by-side self pleasuring, that's great, too. Sometimes we go back and forth, from one thing to the other. I can tell you that it puts a spring in my step, even after all years, just knowing that it's always available, in one form or another, and that she still likes to do it with this lucky old man.
On that nearly every one of our readers, male and female, seem to agree! My husband, since reading your book, loves oral sex. He enjoys giving it and he loves receiving it. I've grown to like it, too, but I have a question that would embarrass the heck out of me if I was asking in personl Both he and I are usually careful about having sex, especially doing each other orally, unless we've taken a bath or shower.
What do I say if he wants to do it spontaneously, especially like in the morning, when we haven't cleaned ourselves properly? It hasn't happened yet with oral sex, but has happened at times in the past with intercourse. It's never been a problem before, but I'm a little more sensitive about it with doing it orally. What do your sex therapists say? Is this a problem, or is it simply something that I shouldn't worry about until it happens.
This is as personal and individual as so many other preferences concerning every aspect of sex. In our research, a majority of men and women prefer cleanliness, especially when oral sex is involved. We've yet to hear anyone complain that a partner was too clean and good smelling, though we have interviewed a number of both men and women, though in the minority, who enjoy a variety of bodily tastes and aromas, including the results of sexual activity from the night before.
If in doubt, the sex experts say, go take a bath or shower. Better yet, take one together and make it a luxurious part of foreplay. Avoid heavily scented soap or shampoo. I read your book, Seasoned Romance, and have several questions? My husband and I have experimented with oral sex since reading the book. I grew up in an era when people didn't talk about such things, so I'm just not familiar with some of the terms, especially fellatio and cunnilingus?
Also, when people use the term 69 when talking about oral sex, what does that mean? We get this question more often than you would think. Some cite the fact that typing in these terms on Google can open up lots of interesting sites, especially when browsing on a public computer or on wi-fi in a coffeeshop or airport. The Latin word for this term simply means to suck, which is certainly one aspect of fellatio. Colloquially, it is also sometimes called a blowjob, BJ, giving head or sucking off.
Simply put, it means oral stimulation of the penis using the mouth, lips, tongue or throat. Many males enjoy this as foreplay before sexual intercourse, or it may also be performed until orgasm and ejaculation of semen. Some cannot perform fellatio because of the gag reflex. Fellatio has been increasingly recognized as a viable alternative to intercourse for older lovers, especially when physical difficulties make intercourse possible. Also, most men require stroking of the penis along with fellatio in order to reach a climax.
Of course, regardless of age or background, personal hygiene is important for any type of oral sex. Many men are even going smooth, shaving that area completely. This is especially true of younger men, but a growing number of older men are deciding to join the groomers, trimmers and smoothies.
Certainly a large number of women enjoy the extra effort, citing the pleasure of going down on a man without getting a mouthful of hair. It's something to discuss, at least. There are numerous names and slang terms used for this form of oral sex performed on a female, including "muffin diving," "muff diving," "eating her out," "drinking from the velvet cup, "giving lip service," "tongue- lashing" and "giving lip. The clitoris is the most sexually sensitive erogenous zone for most women, so stimulation in this area often produces the most effective erotic sensations and sexual excitement, but all the areas surrounding the clitoris and vagina can become highly aroused through oral sex.
As with fellatio for a male, cunnilingus may be an important part of foreplay during sexual arousal for a woman, or it may also result in one or more orgasms. A seasoned lover in the art of cunnilingus learns to gently separate the vagina lips to allow easy contact with the clitoris, then to learn what works best in terms of pressure and speed of movement on the clitoris. Generally, it is best to begin slower and more gently on the labia and entire genital area.
The tongue can also be inserted into the vagina, either flickering or stiffened. Using the tip, underside or blade of the tongue can also be very effective. The woman receiving cunnilingus ideally lets her lover know what feels good either through words or sounds. Oral sex on a woman can also be accompanied by digital vaginal penetration with a lubricated finger or sex toy. Some women report the most intense orgasms with a "buzz-saw" a combination of vibrator and tongue simultaneously touching the clitoris.
As with performing fellatio on a man, cunnilingus should involve excellent personal hygiene. Cleanliness is very important. Also, many women like to trim or remove pubic hair, believing it enhances oral sex.
Just as there are numerous sexual positions for intercourse, certain positions are often preferred for oral sex. Basically any position lying, sitting, standing, kneeling, on all fours, spread-eagled that gives a sex partner access to a lover's genital area is suitable.
Sixty-nine, also known by the French name soixante-neuf, is a variety of sex positions in which two people align themselves so that each person's mouth is near the other's genitals, simultaneously performing oral sex.
Since the lovers often form the numerals 6 and 9, the name is fairly self explanatory. Simultaneous fellatio and cunnilingus can be performed with one partner on top and one on the bottom, or with both partners on their sides, which is usually a much more relaxed position, especially for more mature lovers. This form of oral sex may not be for everyone, especially for partners who are disproportionate in height, but true 69 aficionados cite the very special experience of mutual oral sexual stimulation in glowing terms.
Whatever position you enjoy, keep in mind the famous quote by Barbara Bush, wife of the 41st President of the United States, who was asked about President Clinton's inability to remember much about what happened with Monica Lewinsky in the White House Oval Office. Bush's wife quipped, "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
My husband of nearly 50 years and I had never tried oral sex until we read your book, Seasoned Romance.