Stumble Shares 48 Are you a wife who wants sex more than your husband? This can feel so isolating. Their husbands, it seems, want sex all the time, right? You silently are suffocating beneath unbearable pain, unable to share about the circumstances in your own home. You want to have sex with your husband. And your husband seems either indifferent or downright resistant.
The anguish and confusion leave you feeling sad and frustrated. Maybe even steaming mad. And the pain can be quite spiraling. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with him? What is wrong with our marriage? First, receive some affirmation from me, another Chrisitan wife who cares deeply about your circumstances and who also happens to really appreciate sex as well.
It is not wrong to desire your husband sexually. Contrary to some false myths that have been perpetuated among Chrisitan circles, it is not lustful or promiscuous for a wife to desire her husband sexually. I know that you may already know this, but I wanted to say it anyway. You wanting sex is a good thing. You initiating sex with your husband is a good thing. God cares about your pain. You may be rolling your eyes right now because the last thing you want is some pat answer about God being acquainted with your pain about sexual intimacy nonetheless.
Sex was His idea, after all. As much as society wants to portray men as these simple creatures who need nothing other than a yummy cheeseburger, a TV remote, and ample sex, the truth is that they like us are more complex. If he is feeling overwhelmed or is questioning his ability as a provider, husband or father, then his interest in sex may be on the back burner.
Or not even on the stove. Or maybe not even within the vicinity of the house. You get the picture. If he is stressed out and tired, he is likely consumed with thoughts of responsibilities rather than thoughts of pleasure.
One week of no sex turns into one month turns into several months and so on. His testosterone is low. Testosterone is the hormone responsible for libido sex drive.
Both women and men have it, and if it it takes a plunge, an obvious result is that interest in sex takes a dive as well. Fortunately, a doctor can check testosterone levels and offer a prescription to raise these levels. If he has struggled with impotency even once or if he is concerned about the effects of aging on his ability to get an erection, then he may simply avoid intimacy all together. Honestly, though, we all have found ourselves reacting in poor ways when we are afraid. What do we do when we are afraid?
He has medical conditions that can affect sexual intimacy. If your husband is overweight or struggles with diabetes, cardiovascular issues, breathing problems, mobility, etc. Again, this is an important reason to visit a doctor. He has unresolved issues either from his past or within your marriage. Instead of opening up, he is withdrawing. He is wrestling with sin. I share this with a word of caution, because obviously the last thing I want to do is add to your anxiety.
Take a deep breath. So what should you do with all this information? Bathe everything in prayer obviously a good rule in general, but particularly with regard to marriage struggles. I would not initiate such a conversation in a sexual setting, such as right as you are going to bed or right as you are at odds about whether you should have sex in that moment. Tone means a lot, so as with any difficult conversation in marriage, approach with a tone of compassion, respect and patience.
Here are some conversation initiators: I just want you to know that I desire you. Can we talk about this? I want you to know that I am here to listen. But I want you to know I love you and I am committed to us together working through this. Some of the difficulties of marriage are not easily resolved. Sometimes, marriage feels a lot more like a pile of loose ends rather than a neatly-woven tapestry.
In the valley of struggles, it can help to have a good female friend to lean upon — someone who will listen even when solutions seem few or non-existent. The optimist in me leans toward hope, though.
I lean toward healthy changes and renewed possibilities. I have spoken to women who have found themselves hungering for more sexual intimacy with their husbands, and over time and with concerted effort, have seen their husbands become more responsive. If you are a wife who has wanted more sex, what advice would you give other wives? Thank you… No related posts.