A Sexless Marriage We started out as a regular couple in every sense, except in the bedroom. But after our first time together, we practically stopped having sex — in the four years we were married, we had sex less than five times. I felt the lack of intimacy was putting a strain on our relationship and suggested marital counselling. But we never got around to it. In , she quit her job to go into real estate and insurance.
She also started coming home in the wee hours of the morning, and often switched off her mobile phone. Once, I waited until 4am for her to get home. I believed her, and even told her I was worried about her health. I knew something was wrong but I was exhausted from the frequent travelling — and I wanted to trust my wife.
She had already done the paperwork — all she needed was my signature. By then, I was just too physically and emotionally drained to try and change her mind. I agreed to the divorce. A few months after our divorce, Lisa told me she was taking Elaine on holiday with her parents. I thought it would do our daughter good and I gave my blessings. I missed Elaine terribly and I wanted to spend some time with her when she got home, so I went to pick her up at the airport. But I was in for a rude shock — Lisa looked about six months pregnant as she walked out of the arrival hall.
Not only that, another man was with them. Battling for Custody When we divorced, Lisa had promised me she would not remarry while Elaine was still so young. This was important to me — I was afraid Elaine would not be able to adjust well to a new family. My ex-wife had evidently made an empty promise, and even cheated on me.
I decided then to fight for sole custody of Elaine. But Lisa wanted sole custody, too. My lawyer advised me that I had a high risk of losing as custody is usually awarded to the mother. Assault and Battery Since the incident at the airport, Elaine had been staying with me. Lisa visited her weekly. During one of her visits, when the three of us were at the neighbourhood playground, I noticed a stranger nearby, watching us closely.
Lisa, her father and the man ran off with Elaine and I gave chase. I managed to wrest Elaine away from the man and held her tightly as I flagged down another taxi. Then, they snatched Elaine and left in their cab.
Despite being attacked, I never retaliated. I was afraid that if I did, it would harm my case in the custody battle. A week later, to my surprise, I received a PPO against me, too — from my attackers. Our respective lawyers later advised us to drop the PPOs and focus on the custody battle instead. During this period, Lisa refused my requests to see Elaine.
Two months later, Lisa was awarded custody of Elaine. This was a huge blow to me. On top of her adultery, her family members had also assaulted me — and I had remained rational and not fought back.
Being a Dad Elaine is a special needs child with hyperlexia — a condition in which she can read and recognise words, but struggles with speech and communication. After the divorce, I suggested that Lisa take Elaine to therapy to help her.
Saturdays became my appointed time with Elaine. I take her to therapy and to visit the animal farms. Sometimes, I meet up with friends and their young children, so Elaine can learn to mix with other kids. Other times, I take her to the beach, or shopping with my sister and mother. What I miss most is the simple act of watching Elaine sleep. When she was younger, I used to watch her falling asleep in my arms. The divorce has been hard on Elaine.
She was confused at the beginning, not knowing which parent she would be spending time with. When I was first granted regular weekly access to her, she would sometimes not want to see me. With regular therapy, Elaine is now able to communicate in simple sentences and words. I hope her condition continues to improve, and that one day, she might even attend a mainstream school and lead a normal life.