From behaviors to billboards, suggestions of sex and sexuality filter into our lives. But communication is part of having good sex. The willingness to talk about the kind of sex we have or want to have is a key skill. Read on to learn what McCombs and other experts recommend when approaching this intimate topic.
Other topics about sex can include: But not having these conversations can be worse. Chlamydia can cause infertility in women and prostate gland infection in men. Syphilis cases have been on the rise since the early s, and the rate of new cases of syphilis has risen every year since then. Knowing your own sexual health status can ease anxieties that come along with certain decisions. Sean Horan , a Texas State University professor, focuses on communication between intimate partners.
He suggests basing conversations about sexual health on affection. Consider asking your partner to accompanying you when you go. If your partner is hesitant about testing and sharing results, your willingness to open up may help. Safe sex and birth control Like STIs, pregnancy affects both people involved.
If you have a relationship where you and you partner have chosen to not use or to stop using condoms, you should start another conversation about birth control. Birth control is a responsibility for everyone involved. So why not make sure the end result is what you both want and expected? There are many different types of birth control, so be sure to talk to your doctor about what your options are, and what choice may be right for you. Every healthy sexual relationship requires constant communication.
It is important to focus on both your needs and the needs of your partner. Timaree Schmit , doctor of human sexuality, also suggests emphasizing the positive.
If you want to ask for less sex, you might try emphasizing their attributes to suggest new ideas. Asking for more or less sex can bring up vulnerabilities. Carli Blau , a Manhattan sexologist, says: Incorporate your concerns about yourself into the discussion. Talking about sex works best as a two-way conversation. Consent Remember that both parties should be consenting to have sex. You can talk to your doctor or a social worker about any concern you have. Respectfully discovering likes and dislikes Talking about how touches, nuances, and even fantasies of sex could progress is less straightforward than talking about STIs, birth control, or frequency of sex.
Sexual likes and dislikes can run on a spectrum. Or when your desires change? Communicating such intimate needs requires a high level of confidence and trust. At the same time, communication builds that confidence and trust. Think about what you would be comfortable with and what things you would be uncomfortable with. Remember you can always change your mind. Communicating these things with your partner helps keep things open.
Talk to a healthcare provider if you are worried something you want to try could be physically or sexually dangerous. For newbie viewers, Paul Deeb suggests watching porn parodies, which are comedic versions of mainstream movies.
Where and when to talk In addition to getting the words in the right order, many relationship experts point out that where and when you have intimate conversations is important. Talking about sex after sex may come across as criticizing or nitpicking.
Talking beforehand might get you uptight about delivering just exactly what your partner wants. When the time is right, Dr. Terri Orbuch suggests giving your partner a heads-up that your topic might be a little out of the ordinary. Communications basics Respect and feeling respected are key aspects to a relationship. Can we talk about ways to spend more time making out first?
Is there anything I can do to get more of that? If your new partner declines to get tested for STIs or to share their results, they may be nonverbally communicating their lack of respect.
Timaree Schmit recommends going deeper. The solution is absolutely not to split the difference and live in Kansas. No shade to Kansas, but both of us will be sacrificing happiness. Instead, we both talk about what attracts us in a location.
I may need a city with lots of nightlife and museums. My partner wants a place near the ocean with an international population. The real answer might be Miami. But both share the same key takeaway: Learn to compromise to find happiness together. And you get to know someone you care about a bit more deeply, as well as yourself.