There was no past or future. There was no job. There was no rent payments. There was no fear or anxiety. There was only two people melting into each other for two very sweaty hours. We were covered in sweat, but it never even crossed our minds. There was no self-consciousness… just pure, in the moment ecstasy. I feel like our sex life gave me back to myself. Like I was coming home, into my own body.
It unraveled all of my insecurities… it made me more confident in myself… and it stopped time and space. I could surrender so deeply with him that I would just melt into nothingness. Accidentally hitting the light switch with the small of my back but only having a mild awareness of it.
Our kisses; slow and deep and I can feel them in the bottom of my stomach. His hands; holding my weight against the wall and with my legs wrapped around his waist I can feel a tingling begin in my thighs. I was always so enthralled by his lack of technique. Nothing felt forced or rehearsed. Anything that happened in the moment was part of the moment. He was never awkward, never nervous, never unsure. He was just there. For as long as we saw fit. My first orgasm would come in a slow vibrating wave.
Starting at my ankles, arching into my back and flowing out of the top of my head. He lead me where he wanted to go. Sometimes there is a push and pull in energies. Sometimes men are too afraid to fully lead and it creates an awkwardness. He gave me cervical orgasms everytime. Which is so different. He made it safe enough for me to be my truest sexual form and from that would come the flood of euphoria and ecstasy that is a cervical orgasm. My entire being would be… alive… I guess is the right word for it.
I had awareness of every molecule in my body. And at this point, we would be making eye contact and I knew we were in the same place at the same time feeling the same thing and… that was it. There was no cyclical breathing or constant eye contact. It was filthy and rough and selfish , at times.
And it was amazing. I still think about that sex. I thought that the best I could ever hope for was a half-hearted attempt to make me climax every week or two. I felt very secondary in the majority of my sex life for the first several years of it. And then it happened.
The guy who changed everything for me. To be totally honest, the best lover I ever had fucked me into oblivion. I like sex to be a bit more rough than many people I know, and this guy delivered. By a huge margin. He truly raised my standards in everything to do with sex. And then I married him! As in, the pores of our flesh soaked it up for us. Now imagine that you flawlessly dive off of a five metre diving board into an Olympic sized swimming pool and as soon as you hit the water, the super concentrated liquid version of your favourite food rushed into every pore of your entire body.
You are absolutely consumed by it. It becomes every one of your cells. There is no other way to put it than that… it consumes you, and it becomes you. And it is you. There is no division between you and other. It is just pure, unfiltered joy coursing through every vein, cell, and thought in your body.
Dedicated to your success, Jordan Ps. Want to read the male version of this same article? Also, these might be of interest to you: