Wife's past destroying my peace of mind Originally Posted by Broken. Repair View Post Hi Everyone, I am 39 now and feel so helpless in my current marriage as my wife's sexual past is destroying my present but I am trying everything in my power to preserve our future together. I was 19 when I met my met my wife who was 20 at the time.
She was definitely a "10" without a doubt. She started crying and told me a story of how she was a virgin and was raped a few months before we met.
I hugged her and told her that it wasn't her fault and we continued to build our relationship. Fast forward to Jan. Life is going perfectly but out of nowhere, someone who knew my wife before we were together provides me with shocking information about her past.
At first I don't believe it but then I decide that I need to confront her and she breaks down and tells me that what I was told is all true. I was heart broken. Everything we had built was on a lie. It's so hard for me to type this because my hands are shaking. I can't even put into details some of the things that she was doing in the past before me. Since I found the truth out, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't stop crying but I keep trying because I am so deep in love with her.
I keep imagining her naked with someone else doing all kinds of sexual things in different positions. Another guy pleasuring her, her pleasuring him, oral sex, different places without protection.
It disgusts me to find out what she had done before me. It makes me sick to my stomach. If I push myself to eat something then I feel as if I want to throw up. I love her but can't get over this lie. I miss our sex life but can't bring myself to that point. It's almost as if I have to push myself to bring myself to make love to her and it's a constant battle for me to fight off these images of her with another.
She tells me that I am the only one that she has ever loved and that her past was just all physical attraction. I need LOVE for me to have sex with someone. I am not some disgusting animal.
I feel like I am slowly dying inside and have constant thoughts of suicide but I have 4 kids that need me. I'm trying to be strong and look at all of my wife's positives but that 1 negative her past is SO strong that it keeps holding me back. Our sex life was nothing less than perfect but now I can't even look her in the eyes.
I feel ashamed and I feel SO dirty. I hug her tightly and tell her that I love her but I feel myself slowly slipping away. I am trying to help her cope but I don't know how to help myself. I am so deep in love with her that I can't even walk away from our loving marriage. I feel as if I am broken beyond repair. I am hoping that time will heal this scar someday but I know that there are no guarantees in life. I hope that someone can provide me with some advice.
I am willing to listen. This is something that happens. It's why I'm a fan about not lying about it. You shouldn't give every specific and detail. But no one out in the world should know more about you than your spouse. It allows the others to look at the spouse like he's not "in". They all know the secret and he's just a good old boy who's going to be good and reliable.